Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging that he knew everyone. Just name someone, anyone and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "Okay, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise"?
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it."
So, Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba ! Great to see You! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Bush," his Boss quickly retorts.
Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington ."
So, off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise. I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The new Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time."
So, off they fly to Rome . Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, this will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
He disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later, Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his Boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him,
"What happened"?
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and The Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba"?
Post by strumntheguitar on Jun 28, 2007 14:14:12 GMT -5
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette.
They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."
After a really touching speech from the brunette about how she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.
Post by strumntheguitar on Jun 28, 2007 14:16:08 GMT -5
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking!"
A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.
One woman lost it completely. She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed. "I'm too young to die," she cried. Then she yelled, "If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man from Texas stood up in the rear of the plane.
He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time.
No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest. She gasped... Then, he spoke... "Iron this -- and then get me a beer."
After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man: "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"
"In fact, I do," said the old man.
"After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.
The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."
A nurse goes to a bank to cash her paychek. She needs to sign the check so she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer. She looks up at the teller and says, "Great, some a$$hole's got my pen again."
So a husband and his wife go out golfing to a very expensive country club that they won a free round of golf at.
The husband tells his wife they need to be very careful as not to break anyhting because this place is way out of their budget.
The wife tees off and has a beautiful drive down the fairway. The husband teas of, slices left, and CRASH, right through a 20x20 window. So scared they run up to the room where the window broke.
Sitting in the room is one man. The couples is near tears saying, "We are sooo sorry and we will do what we can to pay back everything!!!" The man laughs and says "Don't worry about it. I'm a Genie that has been trapped in that window for 10,000 years. As a token of thanks I will grant you each one wish of your hearts desire. The only catch is, since it has been 10,000 years I am a little honry and request to sleep with your wife."
The wife is appalaud at first, but after the husband pulls her aside and after a quick talk, gets her to agree. the husbands says, "I wish for a million dollars every year on my birthday to be desposited into a Swiss bank account" Genie says 'It's granted'. The wife says, "I wish for a million dollar dream home to be built for us to stay in in every country of the world." Genie says 'It's granted' So as per the rules, the wife leaves with the genie.
6 hours later, the two of them are finally done. They are both covered and sweat and you can tell that both are spent. The genie turns to the woman and asks, "By the way miss, how old is your husband?" thinking it is odd she tells him the truth, "He is 36...why?"
he responds, "Your husband is 36 and he still believes in genies?"
So a guy wakes up after a night of partying and says to his wife, oh my god honey.. I went to this party down the street, didnt even know the folks.. but they had a golden toilet!!
Bullsh!t she says. He says come on ill show ya! but I forgot where the party was...
So they walk down the street.. Knock on the first door
"Excuse me, do you have a golden toilet?" door slams in their faces
Knock on the second door, similar response
Knock on the third door, similar response
Knock on the fourth door... "Excuse me ma'm, do you have a golden toilet?" The woman screams into the house behind her, "HEY ERNIE!!! Heres the guy who sh!t in your tuba!!!"
Post by randallpinkfloyd on Jun 28, 2007 23:41:18 GMT -5
one day a motorcycle fanatic decided to go out and purchase a motorcycle. he found a guy selling one on the side of the road, and its the bike of his dreams, it was the most brialliantly shiny and beautiful bike he has ever seen. he immediately purchased it. the seller said "im sure youve noticed the brilliant finish, but its a special kind. you need to rub vaseline all over it before it rains or the finish will be ruined." the buyer agreed and off he went, making sure he kept one of those little tubs of vaseline on him at all times.
now, the bike managed to catch the attention of a stunningly gorgeous girl that he's been after for a while now. after going on a ride with him, she asked him if he wanted to have dinner with her family that night. strange family they are; the first thing he noticed were dishes all over the place! every where, on the floor, up the stairs, etc. the pretty girl said: "our major rule is we cannot under any circumstances utter a single word during dinner or we will have to do all the dishes."
so no one said a word during dinner, not even a peep. the guy decided to take advantage of the situation...he touched the pretty girl passionately, and no one said a word. then he started making out with her, still no word. he started grabbing her boobs and rubbing all over her. not even a peep out of anyone. and finally threw her on the table, stripped her naked and started doin her. still, not a word! when he was finished with her, he thought, hey she has a considerably hot mom....and proceeded to start fondling and rubbing her all over, in the still remaining silence, and then stripped HER naked and threw her on the table and had his way with her.
still, not a single word uttered! but the biker noticed a storm suddenly building up outside. the first thing he did was stand up and immaediately grab the vaseline out of his jacket. finally, the girl's dad broke the silence and screamed: "OK!!! ILL DO THE DISHES!!!!!!"
Bob walked into a bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.' The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.'
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!' Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money. Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'
The blonde replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again'
Post by ChiefPemperToadWigginsky on Jun 29, 2007 12:41:07 GMT -5
Michael Jackson and Debbie were in the maternity ward just after Debbie gave birth to their first child. Michael asked her "How long do you think it will be before we can have sex?" Debbie replied, "Jeez Michael, give it a chance to walk first!"
or
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter's room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"
"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter's room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"
"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter's room last week and you'll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms!"
A guy fails to stop his car in time and hits the car in front of him. He gets out to inspect the damage as the driver of the other car bursts out of his door. Much to the drivers surprise, the man was a dwarf. As the little person inspected his rear bumper, he yelled, "I"m not happy" To which the man replied, "Well, which one are you?"
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived. Everything went quite well.
As the National Anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up Nuts", and the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem, he yelled, "Down Nuts", and they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, "Cheer Nuts".
They all broke out into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, "Booooo Nuts" and they all started booing and cat calling.
Comfortable with their response, the doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he re turned, there was a riot in progress.
Finding his tizzied assistant, the doctor asked, "What in the world happened?"
The assistant replied, "Well everything was going just fine until this guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"
Post by strumntheguitar on Jul 5, 2007 13:31:23 GMT -5
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers."
He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put
him in the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. > > The professor started the class by telling them, "In Vet Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. > > "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. > > The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. > > When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention." > > "Life is tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid." -John Wayne
*i like coconuts, you can break them open they smell like ladies lyin in the sun** *Hell I don't even know where I am** *for now I must sit here and ponder the yonder: The herbivores did well cause their food didn't never run** *We listen, if it feels good We shake** *You made a big impression for a girl of your size, Now I can't get by without you and your big brown eyes.**