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I always planned on it when I was younger but that never happened. Now I don't think I would have kids unless I was with the right person in the right financial situation. I think I would enjoy being a dad and be good at it. It's not something I am seeking out though. I would be happy being a fun uncle though.
Post by heyyitskait on Jan 11, 2023 8:16:18 GMT -5
I don’t want kids of my own but am open to adoption and/or fostering someday. I’m adopted and to give a child somewhere they can feel safe, comfortable, and seen would be a very special thing indeed. Even if it’s just for a short period of time.
I don’t want kids of my own but am open to adoption and/or fostering someday. I’m adopted and to give a child somewhere they can feel safe, comfortable, and seen would be a very special thing indeed. Even if it’s just for a short period of time.
That's very cool. Not enough good people opening their homes to kids in need. Good on you!
Post by NothingButFlowers on Jan 11, 2023 9:05:33 GMT -5
No kids for us. Definitely would like to be the awesome aunt. My little brother is dating a woman with three kids now, so hopefully, that’ll stick, and I can be awesome step-aunt.
I saw this post and wanted to know the opinions of you all. Open to all people single/married/divorced/domestic partners/whatever situation you're in or may end up in.
candidly speaking, i 110% agree with LD on this.
i already suffer from anxiety. the idea of bringing NEW HUMANS into this world that is absolutely going to be collapsing over the next 20+ yrs in ways we cannot even quite imagine, and will end up as....god knows what---i just cannot fathom it.
if you're someone who feels like their life purpose is to have children, it is like the number one life plan that sparks joy in them -- then sure, i say those people should go ahead and procreate. but anyone, and i mean ANYONE, who is undecided/neutral/could go any way on it, pls don't do it until/unless you reach that headspace of being so completely sure and passionate on the idea.
when you look at "best ways to help the climate crisis on an individual" in a graph form, the simple act of not having kids is far and away number 1. over biking/walking instead of biking, installing solar, going vegan, taking less plane rides (all amazing things to do for the climate, btw! and they rank high up there too, just significantly below "not having kids")
I see this a different way. With the continuing electrification of Africa, India, and China the die has been cast on what can be done via mitigation, unless the plan is to doom them to continued life at their current tech standards which is is quite harsh. So the way our comes via tech created by someone who is either born currently or not born yet.
About six months ago my wife and I had the talk about me getting snipped, said we'd think about it over the course of a year. The closer I get to the deadline the more I'm just like "yeah I'm already broker than I'd like to be" so I'm pretty set on getting it done.
and the great thing about the snip is, that it's totally reversible! i mean i wouldn't suggest dudes who KNOW they want kids going and getting it done just to reverse it later lol, but it isn't a "and now we could never go back" situation.
my partner has had a vasectomy, and i cannot overstate the reduction in anxiety about accidental pregnancy. yes i have an IUD but those mfers can get out of place without you knowing. my iud PLUS his vasectomy? provides such a sense of peace haha
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
About six months ago my wife and I had the talk about me getting snipped, said we'd think about it over the course of a year. The closer I get to the deadline the more I'm just like "yeah I'm already broker than I'd like to be" so I'm pretty set on getting it done.
and the great thing about the snip is, that it's totally reversible! i mean i wouldn't suggest dudes who KNOW they want kids going and getting it done just to reverse it later lol, but it isn't a "and now we could never go back" situation.
my partner has had a vasectomy, and i cannot overstate the reduction in anxiety about accidental pregnancy. yes i have an IUD but those mfers can get out of place without you knowing. my iud PLUS his vasectomy? provides such a sense of peace haha
I don't have sex with men but my girlfriend does sometimes (we're open) and she's said a million times that if everyone who has a penis could get a vasectomy at age 16 and then get it reversed when they're ready to have kids, the world would be a better place.
i would like to be snipped by the ripe old age of 25 or so lol
the girlfriend and i used to talk about wanting kids, but it’s really changed over the course of our relationship. kinda just came to the conclusion that we don’t want to deal with kids while i’m in school/residency for the next 8-9 years, and then at that point we want to be able to make up for the lost time we had during my career building years.
it’s a decision that i feel oddly comfortable with, and i’d be surprised to see if it changes. truth be told, i really love my girlfriend both as a partner and as a best friend, so it’s hard to imagine being held down by a kid or not getting to live out the things that we want to together because of it. i guess it’s a bit of a selfish decision because it’s not influenced by the state of the world or anything like that, but that’s just where i’m at with it
i feel strongly about this, but like - dude, it is ok to choose not to have kids for "selfish" (aka SELF AWARE) reasons. more people need to use that line of logic when making the decision!
i didnt mention this in my initial post, but i actually did used to want kids. not in a "i need to be a mother" frenzy sort of way, but i definitely thought i'd have one or two at some point. then a slew of things happened... 1) i got into the enviro field professionally and learned....too much to come back from re: wanting kids; 2) the reality of how fucked millennials & Gen Z are economically from piss poor decisions of boomers/older Gen Xers set in, and 3) yeah, "selfishly" i realized that i don't actually want to give 18+ years of my life to raising another human(s) that will inevitably be a source of so much anxiety, albeit also of love and devotion of course.
so yes, i guess my decision is influenced by both state of world + more micro level reasoning, but to lean primarily on the latter is nothing to feel shame over. live your best life, however that means for you!!
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
i would like to be snipped by the ripe old age of 25 or so lol
the girlfriend and i used to talk about wanting kids, but it’s really changed over the course of our relationship. kinda just came to the conclusion that we don’t want to deal with kids while i’m in school/residency for the next 8-9 years, and then at that point we want to be able to make up for the lost time we had during my career building years.
it’s a decision that i feel oddly comfortable with, and i’d be surprised to see if it changes. truth be told, i really love my girlfriend both as a partner and as a best friend, so it’s hard to imagine being held down by a kid or not getting to live out the things that we want to together because of it. i guess it’s a bit of a selfish decision because it’s not influenced by the state of the world or anything like that, but that’s just where i’m at with it
2) the reality of how fucked millennials & Gen Z are economically from piss poor decisions of boomers/older Gen Xers set in
THIS CANNOT BE OVERSTATED.
It used to be that anyone could buy a house. Even if you had a shitty job, you could get a house. Now someone has to die for anyone to have enough money to buy a house. I used to fantasize that when I would be ready to have kids we'd move to a liberal town to have a house and a yard but now all those houses are bought up by the hyper rich or corporations. We are so fucked.
i didn't really want kids, and at least wanted to finish grad school before we had any but uh, life finds a way. the second one was born 5 years later as I was finishing school and had a real job and money. We were 1000+ miles from our nearest family so we didn't really have anyone to help out. childcare is so expensive. we figure we saved about $30k on daycare/after school care during COVID when the wife and I were both working from home. We've literally been out on a date and looked at each other and been like "let's go home, this isn't fun enough for the sitter's hourly rate" lol. They also cost a lot of time. driving to soccer practices, piano lessons, birthday parties (with awkward parents), after school stuff etc. Definitely means I can't do what I want when I want and I have to factor them/their care into everything.
But, in the end I find that it's all (mostly) worth it. It's really fun to spend a couple hours building ridiculous lego cars and crashing them into dinosaur lands, or learning how to knit a winter hat with my daughter, or doing science projects or art projects. it is definitely rewarding to see a human go from a tiny squishy thing into a thinking, functioning, creative (often absurd) person with unique perspectives and jokes and stories. It can be easy to become self-serious, humorless and cynical, but I find that my kids help keep me a bit grounded. a little bit of whimsy, imagination, lighthearted silliness goes a long way. I find it really helps me keep a healthy perspective on things that really matter, and has really helped me refine my own value system about the world and my place in it. Having kids also made me be really honest with myself, and hold myself to a higher standard of behavior. I have always thought I was a patient person, but I learned how far my patience could stretch. I have thought of myself as generally kind, thoughtful, and respectful, but teaching that to another person make you evaluate how you can grow and be better yourself.
Now that we're a bit older and financially stable, we've been looking into fostering - though my trepidation about that is about how I was 10 years ago before my daughter was born. I'm nervous and anxious how it will upend our current family status quo, which is really pretty great. But I also think that being able to provide a loving home for some kids who really need it would be such a great and wonderful thing.
About six months ago my wife and I had the talk about me getting snipped, said we'd think about it over the course of a year. The closer I get to the deadline the more I'm just like "yeah I'm already broker than I'd like to be" so I'm pretty set on getting it done.
and the great thing about the snip is, that it's totally reversible! i mean i wouldn't suggest dudes who KNOW they want kids going and getting it done just to reverse it later lol, but it isn't a "and now we could never go back" situation.
my partner has had a vasectomy, and i cannot overstate the reduction in anxiety about accidental pregnancy. yes i have an IUD but those mfers can get out of place without you knowing. my iud PLUS his vasectomy? provides such a sense of peace haha
I wish my Medicaid Exchange Program Health Plan (Healthfirst) covered a vasectomy because I would follow that path if I could...
I wonder if my family would have paid for it when I was 24-25 (that's when ACA passed and I got insurance through my household - I moved at 26 and applied for Healthfirst/Exchange Medicaid because our out of pocket costs for my epilepsy/meds way exceeded cost of living.
I'm bumbling, I feel SELFISH for not getting a vasectomy when I was with my last partner, and maybe my family would have helped me? But I also kinda feel like at 10 years ago my family would not agree to it.
edit: apparently NY has a law that Medicaid has to cover it, they just have left it out of all their coverage documents. I'm going to speak to my doctor -- though I know he's going to push back on it (just a feeling, general sense of the person)
Last Edit: Jan 11, 2023 10:07:20 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
3post1jack1
Which Ditch Bridge Troll Wannabe God-King of the Cone
and the great thing about the snip is, that it's totally reversible! i mean i wouldn't suggest dudes who KNOW they want kids going and getting it done just to reverse it later lol, but it isn't a "and now we could never go back" situation.
my partner has had a vasectomy, and i cannot overstate the reduction in anxiety about accidental pregnancy. yes i have an IUD but those mfers can get out of place without you knowing. my iud PLUS his vasectomy? provides such a sense of peace haha
I wish my Medicaid Exchange Program Health Plan (Healthfirst) covered a vasectomy because I would follow that path if I could...
I wonder if my family would have paid for it when I was 24-25 (that's when ACA passed and I got insurance through my household - I moved at 26 and applied for Healthfirst/Exchange Medicaid because our out of pocket costs for my epilepsy/meds way exceeded cost of living.
I'm bumbling, I feel SELFISH for not getting a vasectomy when I was with my last partner, and maybe my family would have helped me? But I also kinda feel like at 10 years ago my family would not agree to it.
edit: apparently NY has a law that Medicaid has to cover it, they just have left it out of all their coverage documents. I'm going to speak to my doctor -- though I know he's going to push back on it (just a feeling, general sense of the person)
i'm in mobile, al, and this was several years ago, so different price structure time wise and geographically, but i swear my vasectomy was something like $600? i don't remember the exact amount but i remember it being way cheaper than any procedure involving scalpels around my parts should be lol. cheaper than a bonnaroo weekend for sure.
I wish my Medicaid Exchange Program Health Plan (Healthfirst) covered a vasectomy because I would follow that path if I could...
I wonder if my family would have paid for it when I was 24-25 (that's when ACA passed and I got insurance through my household - I moved at 26 and applied for Healthfirst/Exchange Medicaid because our out of pocket costs for my epilepsy/meds way exceeded cost of living.
I'm bumbling, I feel SELFISH for not getting a vasectomy when I was with my last partner, and maybe my family would have helped me? But I also kinda feel like at 10 years ago my family would not agree to it.
edit: apparently NY has a law that Medicaid has to cover it, they just have left it out of all their coverage documents. I'm going to speak to my doctor -- though I know he's going to push back on it (just a feeling, general sense of the person)
i'm in mobile, al, and this was several years ago, so different price structure time wise and geographically, but i swear my vasectomy was something like $600? i don't remember the exact amount but i remember it being way cheaper than any procedure involving scalpels around my parts should be lol. cheaper than a bonnaroo weekend for sure.
Some of us literally have 0 dollars in their bank account right now. I'm not going to Roo or planning another party. Please understand nobody has the same life situation going on. I know it's not more than 750. I don't have a dollar.
Post by Jim the Luck DЯagon on Jan 11, 2023 10:13:57 GMT -5
For those with the “why bring children into a failing world” view: What is you actual basis for this feeling?
I never understood this outlook on the world. There are things to be concerned about, sure, but generations throughout time have had this “the world is ending” attitude and, as a whole, humanity has made nothing but steady progress. There is less food insecurity, less poverty, people are living longer (this might be hitting a plateau though tbf) and with more commodities and access to enrichment than ever before.
To avoid going into every little aspect of the world at large: My point is that humanity as a whole and the mean and median human experience is better than it has ever been, and this has basically always been true since we first grew a seed. Every generation thinks theirs is the one where everything is going to start going downhill but that just doesn’t ever happen. Why all the gloom and doom?
When I was younger, I read an article that talked about it costing a million to raise a kid to 18. This was pre-internet so I couldn’t tell you where I read that as it was 20 some odd years ago. I’m sure by now it’s double that.
I spent a lot of time thinking about if I had a million dollars I sure as fuck wouldn’t give it away. Especially to some fucking needy whiney ass little crotch goblin who can get their own damn job. I got places to see, music to listen to, books to read. I GOTTA LIFE, MAN. Don’t kill my vibe.
I slowly realized that the money didn’t matter. It comes and it goes. You know those people that say “You’ll do what you have to do”? In an irritating way .. they’re right. You just figure it out. You’ll make a plan and stick with it.
They’re still crotch goblins though.
Full Disclosure: I say this but I also realize my privilege in the situation. I’m white. I’m male. I have a savings account. My situation is a lot easier.
Sorry 3post1jack1 . Just understand I'm at the point of skipping meals and my emotional feeling of selfishness also is why with my current situation I don't try to date or meet people. I can't contribute and I'm flaring up just trying to survive right now. edit: and yes 3 or 4 people know about it and have seen receipts, I'm not clout chasing - I'm in pain
No apologies necessary, I appreciate you sharing that with me.
For those with the “why bring children into a failing world” view: What is you actual basis for this feeling?
I never understood this outlook on the world. There are things to be concerned about, sure, but generations throughout time have had this “the world is ending” attitude and, as a whole, humanity has made nothing but steady progress. There is less food insecurity, less poverty, people are living longer (this might be hitting a plateau though tbf) and with more commodities and access to enrichment than ever before.
To avoid going into every little aspect of the world at large: My point is that humanity as a whole and the mean and median human experience is better than it has ever been, and this has basically always been true since we first grew a seed. Every generation thinks theirs is the one where everything is going to start going downhill but that just doesn’t ever happen. Why all the gloom and doom?
yeah ive heard this a lot, mostly from boomers (with all due respect, it's just true though).
sure, some of the tangibles have improved like longer life expectancy. but the civil unrest is bubbling higher and higher all across the world, and combine that WITH the immense technological advances we've had in the past couple decades? technology and advancements are double edged swords. between the climate crisis (we are likely hitting a tipping point/ "Point of No Return" with runaway climate change in the next 20 years unless we snap into intense action immediately, which isnt looking to happen), civil unrest / huge increase in gun violence and mass shootings / encroaching fascism in America / etc., yeah i dont want to bring kids into this. and i do not think that just because people live longer that that means they're going to live better when everything is crumbling by or before 2050
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
For those with the “why bring children into a failing world” view: What is you actual basis for this feeling?
I never understood this outlook on the world. There are things to be concerned about, sure, but generations throughout time have had this “the world is ending” attitude and, as a whole, humanity has made nothing but steady progress. There is less food insecurity, less poverty, people are living longer (this might be hitting a plateau though tbf) and with more commodities and access to enrichment than ever before.
To avoid going into every little aspect of the world at large: My point is that humanity as a whole and the mean and median human experience is better than it has ever been, and this has basically always been true since we first grew a seed. Every generation thinks theirs is the one where everything is going to start going downhill but that just doesn’t ever happen. Why all the gloom and doom?
yeah ive heard this a lot, mostly from boomers (with all due respect, it's just true though).
sure, some of the tangibles have improved like longer life expectancy. but the civil unrest is bubbling higher and higher all across the world, and combine that WITH the immense technological advances we've had in the past couple decades? technology and advancements are double edged swords. between the climate crisis (we are likely hitting a tipping point/ "Point of No Return" with runaway climate change in the next 20 years unless we snap into intense action immediately, which isnt looking to happen), civil unrest / huge increase in gun violence and mass shootings / encroaching fascism in America / etc., yeah i dont want to bring kids into this. and i do not think that just because people live longer that that means they're going to live better when everything is crumbling by or before 2050
I did not want to make this a discussion on politics or sociopolitical tensions in the world right now, but every generation throughout time has also thought that their generation was the one where a social/political boiling point that would cause destruction on a global scale would be reached, and to date the closest we’ve gotten was 80 years ago.
However I will say to your point that none of these generations have had access to technologies that can actually bring about the end of the world.
i didn't really want kids, and at least wanted to finish grad school before we had any but uh, life finds a way. the second one was born 5 years later as I was finishing school and had a real job and money. We were 1000+ miles from our nearest family so we didn't really have anyone to help out. childcare is so expensive. we figure we saved about $30k on daycare/after school care during COVID when the wife and I were both working from home. We've literally been out on a date and looked at each other and been like "let's go home, this isn't fun enough for the sitter's hourly rate" lol. They also cost a lot of time. driving to soccer practices, piano lessons, birthday parties (with awkward parents), after school stuff etc. Definitely means I can't do what I want when I want and I have to factor them/their care into everything.
But, in the end I find that it's all (mostly) worth it. It's really fun to spend a couple hours building ridiculous lego cars and crashing them into dinosaur lands, or learning how to knit a winter hat with my daughter, or doing science projects or art projects. it is definitely rewarding to see a human go from a tiny squishy thing into a thinking, functioning, creative (often absurd) person with unique perspectives and jokes and stories. It can be easy to become self-serious, humorless and cynical, but I find that my kids help keep me a bit grounded. a little bit of whimsy, imagination, lighthearted silliness goes a long way. I find it really helps me keep a healthy perspective on things that really matter, and has really helped me refine my own value system about the world and my place in it. Having kids also made me be really honest with myself, and hold myself to a higher standard of behavior. I have always thought I was a patient person, but I learned how far my patience could stretch. I have thought of myself as generally kind, thoughtful, and respectful, but teaching that to another person make you evaluate how you can grow and be better yourself.
Now that we're a bit older and financially stable, we've been looking into fostering - though my trepidation about that is about how I was 10 years ago before my daughter was born. I'm nervous and anxious how it will upend our current family status quo, which is really pretty great. But I also think that being able to provide a loving home for some kids who really need it would be such a great and wonderful thing.
That is good shit snow. I'm older than most and had 3 accidents (2 birth control ones) which we decided to go through with. I wanted 10 kids, but the ex didn't until many years later So we stopped there so she could continue her education. Times and parenting were different in the 1990's, and I had to learn as I went. The divide between my parents who grew up in the Ozzie and Harriet 1950's had an older approach to parenting and me who grew up in the early 1980's was immense. And while we can't fully escape becoming +/- our parents in certain situations, with a little love, you see your way through shit and learn to improve while you're helping them grow. Mine are all grown up now (31, 30 and 26). While I sometimes wish they were more motivated to pursue careers or success instead of becoming live music junkies like their dad (my 'fault' for nurturing that), I'm actually more satisfied that they are all pretty much radical and grew to be even more anti-racist than I am. They didn't miss an opportunity to participate in the Black Lives Matter marches and all felt very strongly about it. I was talking to their cousin (my niece) on Saturday. She's half Latino and has a dark brown son and mostly white daughter and told me how awesome it made her feel that her first cousins stood up for everyone but particularly her son. I knew I at least got something right. I won't judge anyone's opinion on having kids. Everyone has their hopes, fears, dreams and beliefs. In my world which includes a lot of friends, there's nobody I'd rather hang out or be with than any of my 3.
Post by Fitter Happier on Jan 11, 2023 10:50:25 GMT -5
I'm in the 'no' camp but if this was a spectrum, definitely between no and undecided with the possibility of adoption/fostering in there somewhere (something my partner and I have discussed for down the road). I was more middle-of-the-road earlier in life (I'm 31), but after falling in love with my partner (she's 29), I've moved more toward a hard no. She really does not want to have kids for a multitude of reasons, many of which have been mentioned here. It is really hard for me to imagine financially, and that's one of the main reasons, and also we just spent a decade+ on education, professional development, other meaningful life choices to have careers that we love (which include face-to-face interactions with clients to make money), and it would be hard for me to give that up right now (actually I'd love to be a stay at home dog-dad with a sugar momma, if it meant never working again, so maybe I'm full of shit). It would be unimaginable to ask her to reduce that or give that up. I really value mutual recognition and equity in our relationship, and we've found a way to carve this out with actual work, house work, tasks/chores, etc. With our daily lives/schedules, two jobs, those chores/tasks, some fun, our current friends and families, exercise, and some shows (severely reduced over the last few years), there really is not room in my imagination for a child? Whether I wanted one or not. That paired with honoring my partner's move toward being on the no end of this spectrum is why not. Sorry, I know a lot of this has been said. I did not want to repeat a bunch of other points, but I really appreciate all the different worldviews and values in here and the healthy dialogue. It's a part of Inforoo that I've really grown to enjoy (the mature discussions, etc.), even though I originally arrived as a long-time lurker for scoopz and shit posts.
yeah ive heard this a lot, mostly from boomers (with all due respect, it's just true though).
sure, some of the tangibles have improved like longer life expectancy. but the civil unrest is bubbling higher and higher all across the world, and combine that WITH the immense technological advances we've had in the past couple decades? technology and advancements are double edged swords. between the climate crisis (we are likely hitting a tipping point/ "Point of No Return" with runaway climate change in the next 20 years unless we snap into intense action immediately, which isnt looking to happen), civil unrest / huge increase in gun violence and mass shootings / encroaching fascism in America / etc., yeah i dont want to bring kids into this. and i do not think that just because people live longer that that means they're going to live better when everything is crumbling by or before 2050
I did not want to make this a discussion on politics or sociopolitical tensions in the world right now, but every generation throughout time has also thought that their generation was the one where a social/political boiling point that would cause destruction on a global scale would be reached, and to date the closest we’ve gotten was 80 years ago.
However I will say to your point that none of these generations have had access to technologies that can actually bring about the end of the world.
Nuclear weapons have existed since the '40s. We've had the ability to bring about the end of the world for 80 years. We've come close more than once - there's a book out there about it, and let's just say the Cuban Missile Crisis wasn't the only time we've been an itchy trigger finger away from armageddon since they invented the Bomb.
I wrote a longer post about this yesterday that I deleted because re-reading it made me hate myself, but the point I made there was, yes, my child could die, starving, when the crops wither, or drown when a megastorm wipes out NYC. She could perish in a civil conflict in the US at the end of some fascist's gun, or in a school shooting. But she could also die in a car accident. She could drink herself to death accidentally as a teen. She could develop cancer thanks to genetic malfeasance that happened when her cells first started dividing. Last year, she suffered a paralytic infection and could have died because we walked by the wrong construction site at the wrong time when the wrong cloud of dust got kicked up with the wrong spores in it for her to inhale.
We all die. If we're very lucky, we do it after a long, relatively suffering-free life, and as peacefully as possible. But none of that is guaranteed and most people don't get it. I don't know that that means it'd be better they never existed at all. Latino Jack Harlow is right - the world has always, always been severely fucked. AIDS. The Holocaust. World wars. Genocides. Plagues. And that's just the big, apocalyptic stuff. Anyone waiting for the world to be chill and the future to be bright to have children is going to be waiting forever.
This isn't me trying to convince anyone of anything, though. Having a kid is hard AF, physically fraught for the partner who has to bear the child, expensive, changes your relationships forever, is exhausting, etc., and no one should choose to do it if they don't really want it.
Do you want to dance while also thinking about all the ways you've failed as a human?
UPCOMING SHOWS 11/21 - Caribou @ Avant Gardner 11/23 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 11/25 - TV on the Radio @ Webster Hall 12/5 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 12/7 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center 12/14 - LCD Soundsystem @ Knockdown Center
yeah ive heard this a lot, mostly from boomers (with all due respect, it's just true though).
sure, some of the tangibles have improved like longer life expectancy. but the civil unrest is bubbling higher and higher all across the world, and combine that WITH the immense technological advances we've had in the past couple decades? technology and advancements are double edged swords. between the climate crisis (we are likely hitting a tipping point/ "Point of No Return" with runaway climate change in the next 20 years unless we snap into intense action immediately, which isnt looking to happen), civil unrest / huge increase in gun violence and mass shootings / encroaching fascism in America / etc., yeah i dont want to bring kids into this. and i do not think that just because people live longer that that means they're going to live better when everything is crumbling by or before 2050
I did not want to make this a discussion on politics or sociopolitical tensions in the world right now, but every generation throughout time has also thought that their generation was the one where a social/political boiling point that would cause destruction on a global scale would be reached, and to date the closest we’ve gotten was 80 years ago.
However I will say to your point that none of these generations have had access to technologies that can actually bring about the end of the world.
i dont think this discussion can be had authentically/comprehensively without including talk of politics or sociopolitical tensions in the world right now.
for a lot of people (myself included), that is a big factor in not wanting kids. YOU asked "why the doom and gloom?" and my answer is directly correlated to said sociopolitical tensions, among other imperative considerations. so i dont really know what you want from me/my response if i'm not allowed to speak to that
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Post by man1cpixiedreamgirl on Jan 11, 2023 11:22:14 GMT -5
Tbh there was a lot of the 2000’s where the world felt fun enough to have a kid. I’ve been around a while. Yah there’s always war & everything, but the Obama years were pretty dang optimistic & exciting. When gay marriage was legalized I was in a bad spot in my personal life, but if it had lined up to what I have now, I’d have taken the plunge. It felt like everything was coming together for human rights. The tea party was a joke, and it felt like we finally had decent long-standing protections.
Since 2016 it’s felt like an unraveling of everything we built, and now we’re so busy trying to survive for our rights, a living wage, affordable healthcare, affordable place to live…I can ignore big stuff like nuclear weapons because that feels as distant and unlikely as a plane crash. Hell, even climate change feels so abstract I don’t factor that in. But the immediacy of my personal rights & financials makes everything feel so hard.
(actually I'd love to be a stay at home dog-dad with a sugar momma, if it meant never working again, so maybe I'm full of shit).
I feel attacked.
Seriously though, if you’re thinking about adopting or fostering, be prepared to spend thousands of dollars, have multitudes of patience, and still come out the end in heartbreak. After education, adoption services require the biggest overhaul of anything I’ve ever seen.
I'm a no. I've never once had even the smallest urge to have them and I generally don't like being around them much. And I have always said that I am too selfish to have them on top of it. I'm 37 so I can't imagine this will change for me.
That all being said, if I met someone who already had a kid, it wouldn't be a firm no. I dated someone in the past that had one and I actually didn't mind it. I think it was okay mostly because of the split custody and having easy nights child-free.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
3post1jack1
Which Ditch Bridge Troll Wannabe God-King of the Cone
Post by 3post1jack1 on Jan 11, 2023 12:56:14 GMT -5
i hold two simultaneous thoughts in my head that i don't think are contradictory: the world has never been better, and it could be even better.
which sounds like a crazy assertion in the face of the general vibe of negativity, but i think many of the negative takes on the outlook of the world do so with very short time frames, like the past 50 or maybe even 20 years. but if you go back 200 years, the progress humanity has made is absolutely astonishing.
1. since 1820, the % of the world population living in extreme poverty has gone from 89% to 10%.
2. since 1800, literacy has gone from 12% to 86%
3. In 1800, 43% of all humans died in the first five years of their lives. Today that number is just under 4%.
4. In 1816, <1% of the population lived in a democracy. 38% of people lived in colonies. today ~56% of the world lives in a democracy, and there are no colonies.
5. It's harder to type out the numbers on education, but even going back just to 1970 the world is far more educated than it used to be.
it's really insane the amount of progress we've made as a species during that time.
we have not made enough progress on climate change, but there are positive signs, things like solar getting cheaper as well as lithium batteries. i can't provide detailed hopium for this topic, but i believe we will find a solution. it ain't going to come from politicians, it's going to come from smart people grinding in labs and market-based solutions (i.e. renewables just getting so cheap it doesn't make sense to use coal anymore), IMO.
I'm a no. I've never once had even the smallest urge to have them and I generally don't like being around them much. And I have always said that I am too selfish to have them on top of it. I'm 37 so I can't imagine this will change for me.
That all being said, if I met someone who already had a kid, it wouldn't be a firm no. I dated someone in the past that had one and I actually didn't mind it. I think it was okay mostly because of the split custody and having easy nights child-free.
yeah im not anti dating people w kids either! have done it in the past, though not with anyone who had full custody, but one woman i dated for 6ish months did have her kid half the time & i spent a solid amount of time around him.
especially in poly/ENM context, i really dont mind having a partner with kid(s) - because then there's plenty of parental/guardian-type support to go around.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
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but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.