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I saw this post and wanted to know the opinions of you all. Open to all people single/married/divorced/domestic partners/whatever situation you're in or may end up in.
No offense to anyone here, but how does anyone think it's a good idea to have kids? Why bring an innocent life into a world increasingly defined by a collapse into fascism and destroyed by climate change?
What kind of hellscape are we letting the future live in?
I'm decently smart but I'm not going to claim to be a climate expert by any means. I struggled with thinking of bringing a child into this shitty situation (climate wise and political wise). Something I heard on a podcast (can't recall which one, really been bugging me) basically boiled down to, "if you're worried about having children because of climate change, I can tell you that climate scientists are still having kids, so that shouldn't be a deciding factor," and that made me really swing in the hmmm maybe it is okay to have at least one child camp. I know I'd be a great dad, and I'm not getting any push from parents/family members either way luckily, but as I'm getting older I realize I have to make this choice sooner rather than later.
Edit to add: Another quote that sticks with me actually came from Seth Rogen (who doesn't plan on having kids), and he said, "I think it boils down to the fact that it's easier to live a life and not have children and regret not having any, vs having children and regret having them."
we aren't having kids, but not because i'm worried about the world. my wife and i just both never felt that parental instinct, and greatly value the time and relative financial ease of a kidless life.
having said that, i see my sister with my amazing nieces and my friends with their awesome kids and i know i'm missing out on one of the coolest things ever. but the die is cast at this point, i been snip snipped and besides we are both 40+, can't be having a kid now like some hollywood actor.
Sure. For a lot of the same reasons that have already been expanded on here really - I have never really experienced a desire to have children and at this point in my life (mid 30's) I am comfortable and happy with the life that I have and live. I also wonder what the world will be like 20 years from now, climate wise, quality of life, politically, etc. and wouldn't want to subject someone to that. I'm not a doomer by any means really, but I do think humanity as a whole is destroying the planet.
I enjoy being around children, my niece and nephew, and that time every once in awhile is enough for me. I think I could be a good parent, I just don't want to be.
"Maybe the honorable thing for our species to do is deny our programming, stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction, one last midnight - brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal."
Post by garageland on Jan 10, 2023 18:22:59 GMT -5
Personally, I never wanted kids. It wasn’t “thinking of the doom and gloom of the future” (though I totally understand that) but more of growing up in an abusive home. I never wanted to be my dad and never wanted to regret anyone. That changed in my 40’s. I put a lot into changing myself and how I reacted to things.
I now have two boys that just turned 8. One has special needs, one doesn’t. It’s a struggle every day, I’m not going to lie. It’s hard. The amount of repeating myself is insane. I go three times with one kid just for them to understand something to have the other go “WHAT?!?” and have to go through it another three times.
I wouldn’t change it for the world. Those kids are my life. So many things I look forward to doing again with them.
It was an absolute right call on my part. It really comes down to a personal choice. If you’re not ready or you don’t want kids, that’s a totally acceptable answer. Fuck anyone who would try and guilt trip you into having kids.
Post by garageland on Jan 10, 2023 18:25:07 GMT -5
Oh, I had planned on cooking a 3 lbs Butterball turkey with them for Thanksgiving but came inside one day to find one of them using it as an ice pack for his head.
Parenting is honestly the best experience I’ve ever had. There’s not much I haven’t done and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. We weren’t planning to have a child when it happened but it is undoubtedly the best thing that’s ever happened to me, cliche or not. I was scared to death of children prior to being a father and wanted the freedom. Fortunately life had other plans for me.
Post by crazykittensmile on Jan 10, 2023 18:37:36 GMT -5
I have one kid and every so often I go into a hole of existential dread about what kind of world he's been brought into, but then I snap out of it and remind myself he's a human living the human experience, which he wouldn't have otherwise. Like he wouldn't exist at all, and that's a way bigger bummer because he's amazing and hilarious. And that alone gives me hope that the future won't suck completely because other great humans are being brought up now as well.
we aren't having kids, but not because i'm worried about the world. my wife and i just both never felt that parental instinct, and greatly value the time and relative financial ease of a kidless life.
having said that, i see my sister with my amazing nieces and my friends with their awesome kids and i know i'm missing out on one of the coolest things ever. but the die is cast at this point, i been snip snipped and besides we are both 40+, can't be having a kid now like some hollywood actor.
I was 36 when I had my son and I don't know how people do it into their 40s and 50s. I am straight up exhausted.
I saw this post and wanted to know the opinions of you all. Open to all people single/married/divorced/domestic partners/whatever situation you're in or may end up in.
No offense to anyone here, but how does anyone think it's a good idea to have kids? Why bring an innocent life into a world increasingly defined by a collapse into fascism and destroyed by climate change?
What kind of hellscape are we letting the future live in?
candidly speaking, i 110% agree with LD on this.
i already suffer from anxiety. the idea of bringing NEW HUMANS into this world that is absolutely going to be collapsing over the next 20+ yrs in ways we cannot even quite imagine, and will end up as....god knows what---i just cannot fathom it.
if you're someone who feels like their life purpose is to have children, it is like the number one life plan that sparks joy in them -- then sure, i say those people should go ahead and procreate. but anyone, and i mean ANYONE, who is undecided/neutral/could go any way on it, pls don't do it until/unless you reach that headspace of being so completely sure and passionate on the idea.
when you look at "best ways to help the climate crisis on an individual" in a graph form, the simple act of not having kids is far and away number 1. over biking/walking instead of biking, installing solar, going vegan, taking less plane rides (all amazing things to do for the climate, btw! and they rank high up there too, just significantly below "not having kids")
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Personally, I never wanted kids. It wasn’t “thinking of the doom and gloom of the future” (though I totally understand that) but more of growing up in an abusive home. I never wanted to be my dad and never wanted to regret anyone. That changed in my 40’s. I put a lot into changing myself and how I reacted to things.
I now have two boys that just turned 8. One has special needs, one doesn’t. It’s a struggle every day, I’m not going to lie. It’s hard. The amount of repeating myself is insane. I go three times with one kid just for them to understand something to have the other go “WHAT?!?” and have to go through it another three times.
I wouldn’t change it for the world. Those kids are my life. So many things I look forward to doing again with them.
It was an absolute right call on my part. It really comes down to a personal choice. If you’re not ready or you don’t want kids, that’s a totally acceptable answer. Fuck anyone who would try and guilt trip you into having kids.
and just to add to my prior post, semi in response to my dear friend GL but also in general - i totally understand that there is a unique experience within having children that truly cannot be replicated with something else. again, for those who feel like it is absolutely the call for them, go for it. i've just seen sooo many examples of people who regret having kids because they did it for a partner or a guilting parent or because of societal pressure, or some combination of all these.
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
No kids. I was very lucky, because I never wanted any. Then I found out I couldn't have any. My plumbing is messed up. Lucky me. When I was a pharmacist I sold the infertility meds and it broke my heart seeing those poor want to be parents going through hell. I also believe there are too many people on this planet. It can't support many more. So I'm doing my small part so that someone else can have a baby. You are welcome. But I don't judge anyone wanting a child. That's just my fucked up opinion for myself.
Personally, I never wanted kids. It wasn’t “thinking of the doom and gloom of the future” (though I totally understand that) but more of growing up in an abusive home. I never wanted to be my dad and never wanted to regret anyone. That changed in my 40’s. I put a lot into changing myself and how I reacted to things.
I now have two boys that just turned 8. One has special needs, one doesn’t. It’s a struggle every day, I’m not going to lie. It’s hard. The amount of repeating myself is insane. I go three times with one kid just for them to understand something to have the other go “WHAT?!?” and have to go through it another three times.
I wouldn’t change it for the world. Those kids are my life. So many things I look forward to doing again with them.
It was an absolute right call on my part. It really comes down to a personal choice. If you’re not ready or you don’t want kids, that’s a totally acceptable answer. Fuck anyone who would try and guilt trip you into having kids.
and just to add to my prior post, semi in response to my dear friend GL but also in general - i totally understand that there is a unique experience within having children that truly cannot be replicated with something else. again, for those who feel like it is absolutely the call for them, go for it. i've just seen sooo many examples of people who regret having kids because they did it for a partner or a guilting parent or because of societal pressure, or some combination of all these.
Oh, absolutely. I’m the product of said resentment. I totally get that.
When I say it’s a totally acceptable answer, I mean that. There’s no judging on my part in the least.
Post by Teddy Flair on Jan 10, 2023 19:58:55 GMT -5
About six months ago my wife and I had the talk about me getting snipped, said we'd think about it over the course of a year. The closer I get to the deadline the more I'm just like "yeah I'm already broker than I'd like to be" so I'm pretty set on getting it done.
I'm not in any rush to try to navigate the intergenerational trauma that my grandfather bestowed upon my mother who bestowed it upon me.
Even though I understand what happened and how it affected everyone before me, and am personally and professionally equipped to handle it, I don't think it's possible to avoid it.
That's part of why I plan on getting a vasectomy later this year
I finally created an account so I could contribute, and all of the other threads are moving too fast for me. So I'll hang out here.
Honestly, I think that (for a myriad of reasons) I am just not cut out to be a parent. I think it would make me go insane. I turned 40 last year and feel like I am much too set in my ways and love my independence TOO much. I see a lot of squishy fat babies through the clinic I work at, then I go home and smoke weed and listen to MMJ.
I am a fun aunt though.....and that makes me very happy.
I 34 I feel like I'm too old to be undecided, but that's what I chose. I used to know I wanted kids but time has changed that some. I think I would be a great parent for the most part and I do feel I'd be missing out on a inimitable experience if I never had kids, but them mfs are EXPENSIVE and I get over-annoyed with my cat enough at times that it makes me question how high my tolerance for kid-bullshit would really be. When I had a dog I was a helicopter parent and I'm afraid having a kid would just make me a pit of anxiety forever. They say having a kid is like having your heart walk around outside your body and that feels scarily intense. But also I love kids! I think they're fun and cool. So
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Post by man1cpixiedreamgirl on Jan 10, 2023 20:54:25 GMT -5
Unfortunately for us, the cost of insemination alone is a lot. Then there's the cost of raising a kid - double hard. We'd have to get money from family and we'd have to move closer to SOME version of capable help. We're both on a ticking clock in terms of time left for viable eggs. Adoption is another high-cost option. I dunno, maybe some distant cousin will die and leave us a ton of money and we can start that artist polycule commune where our kid would have tons of adults to love on them.
Most people, including my parents, have kids on a "fuck it lets do it" basis. When I'm ovulating I feel very baby crazy, but when I'm deep in work I'm glad I don't have to tear myself away.
About six months ago my wife and I had the talk about me getting snipped, said we'd think about it over the course of a year. The closer I get to the deadline the more I'm just like "yeah I'm already broker than I'd like to be" so I'm pretty set on getting it done.
The only hard part about getting a vasectomy is I didn't expect them to cut my entire dick off, so heads up on that. You get a Valium tho.
I've got two. Had my first when I turned forty and my second almost five years later.
That wasn't the plan. I had assumed/hoped I'd start a family shortly after college but things just didn't work out that way. I got together with my wife at Bonnaroo eighteen years ago and she was the one.
I've loved being a parent. It makes me more hopeful for the future. Kids are so accepting of the things that we've struggled with as a society forever. Race, gender identity, sexual orientation - they're like "okay, makes sense."
I'll be honest, though. I'm panicked at the prospect of leaving them. I know I'm likely going to be dead before they start having families. Mathematically that doesn't have to be the case but it feels that way. I'm just hoping that I can give them some tools that might help them to be happy and to help make the world a little better.
So the answer to your environmental question is that we're not fixing this planet ourselves. Hopefully we can grab the steering wheel and start turning things in the right direction and then hand things over to the next generation to keep us on the right path.
Different perspective that hasn't been brought up yet: I do not want kids right now. And that's fine. I might want them someday. But I really struggle with coming up with a reason to procreate when there are THOUSANDS of children ALREADY HERE who need a family. Like I guess it would be cool to see what a small version of me and my partner would look like? But I have no delusions of needing my genes to be passed down or anything like that. Idk, maybe I don't see the big picture and adoption is really hard or something.
i would like to be snipped by the ripe old age of 25 or so lol
the girlfriend and i used to talk about wanting kids, but it’s really changed over the course of our relationship. kinda just came to the conclusion that we don’t want to deal with kids while i’m in school/residency for the next 8-9 years, and then at that point we want to be able to make up for the lost time we had during my career building years.
it’s a decision that i feel oddly comfortable with, and i’d be surprised to see if it changes. truth be told, i really love my girlfriend both as a partner and as a best friend, so it’s hard to imagine being held down by a kid or not getting to live out the things that we want to together because of it. i guess it’s a bit of a selfish decision because it’s not influenced by the state of the world or anything like that, but that’s just where i’m at with it
About six months ago my wife and I had the talk about me getting snipped, said we'd think about it over the course of a year. The closer I get to the deadline the more I'm just like "yeah I'm already broker than I'd like to be" so I'm pretty set on getting it done.
The only hard part about getting a vasectomy is I didn't expect them to cut my entire dick off, so heads up on that. You get a Valium tho.
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