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Thank you. I finally got a response from someone. Apparently he hung himself and his family found him yesterday morning. He was easily one of the sweetest, kindest, funniest people I've ever met. First time I met him he walked out of the bathroom after a shower but ass naked. I am friends with his roommate and he didn't know I was there. He just came over and introduced himself like it was a totally normal way to meet someone. After that we were instant friends.. I can't even believe this. It hasn't hit me at all yet. But to find out on Facebook? Fucking Facebook!
What a horrible way to find out a terrible and sad thing. Several years ago, my friend sent me his suicide note in an email. I can in some small way comprehend what you are feeling. All you can do now is be there for his friends and family. And do not try an second guess if there was anything you could have done. It's just wasted energy.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... How did one of my racist cousins from North Dakota wind up on the board? Mikey, is that you?
It sounds like you're looking for advice on how to better mask your racism. Perhaps next time focus solely on their behavior and skip over the part where you can't stand someone dressed in their religious clothing and speaking in a foreign language? Yikes.
Don't you "yikes" me. Race and religion are two entirely different things. I thought I made it clear that Christianity and Islam are both annoying as fuck. I have met fantastic Arab people who are atheists or agnostics and I adore them. It's not about race. What I was saying is that I get the feeling it's not okay for me to tell the obnoxiously loud bathroom girls in religious garb to stfu and/or gtfo because, admittedly, I have no idea how they would react because unfortunately the few practicing muslims I have met have been weird as fuck. It would be exactly the same if they were white muslims. Or xtian girls in ridiculous floorlength skirts. Forgive me, I was harassed in high school by weirdo homeschooled evangelicals from youth symphony who decided I needed Jeebus in my life and would come to my fucking workplace to give me pamphlets about how I'll go to hell for not going to church (and wearing pants, presumably). So, I've been conditioned to perceive all outwardly religious people as silently judging me for being such a filthy heathen piece of shit.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... How did one of my racist cousins from North Dakota wind up on the board? Mikey, is that you?
It sounds like you're looking for advice on how to better mask your racism. Perhaps next time focus solely on their behavior and skip over the part where you can't stand someone dressed in their religious clothing and speaking in a foreign language? Yikes.
Don't you "yikes" me. Race and religion are two entirely different things. I thought I made it clear that Christianity and Islam are both annoying as fuck. I have met fantastic Arab people who are atheists or agnostics and I adore them. It's not about race. What I was saying is that I get the feeling it's not okay for me to tell the obnoxiously loud bathroom girls in religious garb to stfu and/or gtfo because, admittedly, I have no idea how they would react because unfortunately the few practicing muslims I have met have been weird as fuck. It would be exactly the same if they were white muslims. Or xtian girls in ridiculous floorlength skirts. Forgive me, I was harassed in high school by weirdo homeschooled evangelicals from youth symphony who decided I needed Jeebus in my life and would come to my fucking workplace to give me pamphlets about how I'll go to hell for not going to church (and wearing pants, presumably). So, I've been conditioned to perceive all outwardly religious people as silently judging me for being such a filthy heathen piece of shit.
I'm hoping just once in my life that an Atheist knocks on my door to spread the word of their religion, or a scientist knocks to explain how things once thought to be impossible, can actually be prove 100% true due to science and mathematics. That would be awesome.
It sounds like you're looking for advice on how to better mask your racism. Perhaps next time focus solely on their behavior and skip over the part where you can't stand someone dressed in their religious clothing and speaking in a foreign language? Yikes.
Anyways I made the mistake of thinking that the point of the grrrrr thread is to vent about things that may be bothering us. I wanted to vent about a thing that has been bothering me at work every day since the students came back for the semester. So thanks for calling me a racist instead of suggesting that maybe it'd be okay to just tell them to shut up and move out of the way, or sharing ideas to help me not feel anxious around them. Thanks for making it worse by proving that I can't even discuss this experience with the intent to change my perception to deal with it, and accusing me of being something I'm not. If I had a strong unfounded opinion that I wanted to remain unchanged I wouldn't share it on a site where I care about the people who would read it. So please, anyone, be constructive now and offer advice on dealing with anxiety around outwardly religious people. Thanks.
Let's pretend for a moment you aren't actually racist. Essentially your complaint is that there are two women who talk loudly in the bathroom while you pee in a (presumably) private stall? And somehow your schedules sync up so that this has happened multiple times? Aren't you in the bathroom for like a minute total when you pee. How is it this much of an annoyance?
3-4. Today it was three. They're in there most days when I go in around midday, standing just inside the door when I go in and still standing there when I leave. They're straight up just yelling excitedly at each other. It's a big bathroom, like a dozen stalls, and they stand right in the narrow S-curve of walls at the the door. I think the time is in between class periods.
I drink all the tea in the world at work so yeah, I get up a lot, like probably every hour. Also because my current task at work is really boring 90% of the time.
So what do I do, give them stankface like I would anyone else? I muttered "excuse me" today and moved sideways between them on my way out to try to make it clear that thy were impeding traffic but I could still hear them keeping on from the hall.
Do I say something? Like hey, please do that elsewhere?
I don't care if you worship a four legged brussel sprout and dress in gold plate, if they cant follow common courtesy to make way if they're blocking a doorway they can suck eggs @chels0r
I dont think its an issue of accepting differences, more an affirmation that bathroom jerks come in all shapes, sizes, colors and creeds and we should hate them all equally.
90% of my work bathroom complaints would be gone if I had that bathroom. What a true joy it must be to have 12 stalls. The odds of my favorite stall being open would be quite high. Isn't it awkward when you are in a stall and it is time for a splish or a splash and someone is nearby? Who hasn't recognized the shoes of the guy who moans when he deuces or groans when his prostate is interfering with his piss? What I wouldn't give for a group of people to loudly talk in a foreign language to provide a white noise for my private business or to block out the noise someone else..
You know how the old joke goes: If your Muslim when you go into the bathroom and your Muslim when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you are in the bathroom?
Is it intolerance if it makes you angrily uncomfortable when black men who wear do-rags are standing around in the bathroom together in the way of the door and talking super loudly in their ghetto speak?
By the way, this post is entirely about bathroom etiquette and nothing else.
I phrased it that way because I was still trying to figure out why I felt like I couldn't do anything about the situation and why it was so frustrating. But that was a really dumb way to express it. I wasn't looking for a simple yes/no answer (to 'is it intolerance?'), because I knew that was what it was and that made it all the more frustrating because it's not okay to feel that way. Also... do-rags are in no way an expression of superior "purity" and "modesty" over filthy nonbelievers. As I've tried to explain to you, Gab, it's about religion and my anxiety towards judgment. And, sure, also the fact that I can't fathom wtf they could be yelling about in the bathroom all the time.
Just quoting this for posterity and the immense irony.
Thank you Siggy and Monie. I'm still not sure how I feel. I feel really empty, even now. I took a nap and dreamed about it. It really has done something to me. I just feel so used and like an idiot. I keep replaying that moment over and over but it is what it is I suppose.
My job continues to make me into a cold person. I deal with scum all day and it's like life is trying to make me into an asshole. I'm just not sure about anything anymore. My optimism has done nothing but screw me over. When I was miserable all the time I tried to make lemons into lemonade. Now that I have lemonade all I want to do is throw lemons at people. I suck at this life thing.
I love you Cleo and am so sorry you are having a hard time
I just found out on Facebook that my friend died. On fucking Facebook. I'm so upset right now and no one is responding to my texts. I owns just drive over to someone's house but idk where they're at.
I was supposed to see him tomorrow too. This fucking sucks.
Just quoting this for posterity and the immense irony.
Whatever you say. Thanks for all the help, Gab.
I think the problem is thst the original post made it sound like if it was a goup of me's it wouldn't be a problem. An athiest who hates religios people are as bad as religious people who hate others. This gives us all a bad name. Sorry
I think the problem is thst the original post made it sound like if it was a goup of me's it wouldn't be a problem. An athiest who hates religios people are as bad as religious people who hate others. This gives us all a bad name. Sorry
Amen to that. I'm used to a certain level of intolerance from my fellow atheists but that post was next level disgusting.
Is it intolerance if it makes you angrily uncomfortable when black men who wear do-rags are standing around in the bathroom together in the way of the door and talking super loudly in their ghetto speak?
By the way, this post is entirely about bathroom etiquette and nothing else.
I phrased it that way because I was still trying to figure out why I felt like I couldn't do anything about the situation and why it was so frustrating. But that was a really dumb way to express it. I wasn't looking for a simple yes/no answer (to 'is it intolerance?'), because I knew that was what it was and that made it all the more frustrating because it's not okay to feel that way. Also... do-rags are in no way an expression of superior "purity" and "modesty" over filthy nonbelievers. As I've tried to explain to you, Gab, it's about religion and my anxiety towards judgment. And, sure, also the fact that I can't fathom wtf they could be yelling about in the bathroom all the time.
Feel free to ignore my suggestion, but as an outsider it sounds like you could really benefit from counseling of some sort to let go of your past bad experiences, it sounds like you're carrying that around with you and projecting it onto others.
Also regarding the "yelling" some languages are spoken in different pitches & volumes. What seems like yelling to us is just the normal cadence of conversation in other languages.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhh... How did one of my racist cousins from North Dakota wind up on the board? Mikey, is that you?
It sounds like you're looking for advice on how to better mask your racism. Perhaps next time focus solely on their behavior and skip over the part where you can't stand someone dressed in their religious clothing and speaking in a foreign language? Yikes.
Don't you "yikes" me. Race and religion are two entirely different things. I thought I made it clear that Christianity and Islam are both annoying as fuck. I have met fantastic Arab people who are atheists or agnostics and I adore them. It's not about race. What I was saying is that I get the feeling it's not okay for me to tell the obnoxiously loud bathroom girls in religious garb to stfu and/or gtfo because, admittedly, I have no idea how they would react because unfortunately the few practicing muslims I have met have been weird as fuck. It would be exactly the same if they were white muslims. Or xtian girls in ridiculous floorlength skirts. Forgive me, I was harassed in high school by weirdo homeschooled evangelicals from youth symphony who decided I needed Jeebus in my life and would come to my fucking workplace to give me pamphlets about how I'll go to hell for not going to church (and wearing pants, presumably). So, I've been conditioned to perceive all outwardly religious people as silently judging me for being such a filthy heathen piece of shit.
How long have you been non-religious? It is possible to be atheist without being a big ball of anger. It seems to me that people always go through the "angry atheist" phase then eventually mellow out. Unless of course they went through a particularly rough case of repression as it seems you have been. I know what it's like to feel isolated an alienated because of your beliefs (or lack thereof). Sounds easier than it is, I know, but you just to work on empathy. Where did their beliefs come from? Why do they feel or act the way they do? I try my best to not automatically go to the religions and religious people are stupid argument. Yes, I think religion is hogwash but you aren't going to make a change in someone by just insulting something that they have known their entire life. Give them a living example of an atheist that is a good, morally well-rounded individual. And as suggested above, therapy helps. It did help me get through some feelings of rejection and whatnot.
Last Edit: Feb 10, 2015 12:12:40 GMT -5 by ゴジラ - Back to Top
Also regarding the "yelling" some languages are spoken in different pitches & volumes. What seems like yelling to us is just the normal cadence of conversation in other languages.
About a year ago a friend had a table full of Russians. She ran off crying because they hated her so much and were so mean to her. I have worked with her for seven and a half years and have never seen her like that. So obviously a manager got involved and went over to the table. They told him that their server, food, experience was wonderful. They were very happy and were having a great time. My friend mistook their Russian cadence/body language or whatever as anger and rudeness.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Also regarding the "yelling" some languages are spoken in different pitches & volumes. What seems like yelling to us is just the normal cadence of conversation in other languages.
About a year ago a friend had a table full of Russians. She ran off crying because they hated her so much and were so mean to her. I have worked with her for seven and a half years and have never seen her like that. So obviously a manager got involved and went over to the table. They told him that their server, food, experience was wonderful. They were very happy and were having a great time. My friend mistook their Russian cadence/body language or whatever as anger and rudeness.
I've heard countless stories like this from my friends that work in food service. Whenever I meet someone that I know is from a different culture, I try to keep that in mind when interacting with them. Their distance or seemingly stand-off demeanor may have nothing at all do do with whether or not they like me as a person.
About a year ago a friend had a table full of Russians. She ran off crying because they hated her so much and were so mean to her. I have worked with her for seven and a half years and have never seen her like that. So obviously a manager got involved and went over to the table. They told him that their server, food, experience was wonderful. They were very happy and were having a great time. My friend mistook their Russian cadence/body language or whatever as anger and rudeness.
I've heard countless stories like this from my friends that work in food service. Whenever I meet someone that I know is from a different culture, I try to keep that in mind when interacting with them. Their distance or seemingly stand-off demeanor may have nothing at all do do with whether or not they like me as a person.
Yup. Through the course of my work, I come into contact with business owners from other countries on a regular basis. I have started to get more and more fascinated by it the longer I have worked here because it's something that really commonly gets overlooked even though everyone in my office is completely aware that differences exist.
I phrased it that way because I was still trying to figure out why I felt like I couldn't do anything about the situation and why it was so frustrating. But that was a really dumb way to express it. I wasn't looking for a simple yes/no answer (to 'is it intolerance?'), because I knew that was what it was and that made it all the more frustrating because it's not okay to feel that way. Also... do-rags are in no way an expression of superior "purity" and "modesty" over filthy nonbelievers. As I've tried to explain to you, Gab, it's about religion and my anxiety towards judgment. And, sure, also the fact that I can't fathom wtf they could be yelling about in the bathroom all the time.
Feel free to ignore my suggestion, but as an outsider it sounds like you could really benefit from counseling of some sort to let go of your past bad experiences, it sounds like you're carrying that around with you and projecting it onto others.
Also regarding the "yelling" some languages are spoken in different pitches & volumes. What seems like yelling to us is just the normal cadence of conversation in other languages.
I thought the exact same thing in regards to projecting. I mean, she pretty much spelled it out in her posts on the issue. That's not to come down on her because she seems to realize that the emotions are displaced.
The language part reminds me of Europeans talking about how they know people are American tourists right off the bat. We are apparently very loud and boisterous when we sit down for a meal. The French especially say this a lot. I did a Summer abroad in Paris and really didn't notice the locals being any quieter then the Americans on a day to day basis. In fact, English tourists really stuck out to me. So we are clearly taken the fall for them.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that small cultural differences can obviously also play a part here. If I had one suggestion it's to just keep in mind is to just remind yourself they are talking about the same mundane shit we all do. It's sort of like the ominous voice in one of Tool's popular instrumental tracks. It sounds creepy as hell but it's just a cookie recipe in German.
Feel free to ignore my suggestion, but as an outsider it sounds like you could really benefit from counseling of some sort to let go of your past bad experiences, it sounds like you're carrying that around with you and projecting it onto others.
Also regarding the "yelling" some languages are spoken in different pitches & volumes. What seems like yelling to us is just the normal cadence of conversation in other languages.
I thought the exact same thing in regards to projecting. I mean, she pretty much spelled it out in her posts on the issue. That's not to come down on her because she seems to realize that the emotions are displaced.
The language part reminds me of Europeans talking about how they know people are American tourist right off the bat. We are apparently very loud and boisterous when we sit down for a meal. The French especially say this a lot. I did a Summer abroad in Paris and really didn't notice the locals being any quieter then the Americans on a day to day basis. In fact, English tourist really stuck out to me. So we are clearly taken the fall for them.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that small cultural differences can obviously also play a part here. If I had one suggestion it's to just keep in mind is to just remind yourself they are talking about the same mundane shit we all do. It's sort of like the ominous voice in one of Tool's popular instrumental tracks. It sounds creepy as hell but it's just a cookie recipe in German.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Post by SilentEyedStorm on Feb 10, 2015 14:13:36 GMT -5
I agree with what others have said in regards to therapy or just talking through things. I am really bothered by this because I am a person of faith. I am respectful towards those of other faiths, or no faith. I don't push my beliefs onto others. I want to respect others ideas and lives, the way I want to be respected. When terms like "wackadoodle" are attached and labeling begins, in my mind, you are only furthering the problem by creating the idea that those you differ from are less than you. We're all human beings and we're all just trying to get by in this world. I guess I'm a "live and let live" type of person, and I thank God for that.
2013~Bonnaroo, Gentlemen of the Road-Troy 2014~McDowell Mountain, Beale Street, Bonnaroo, Riot Fest 2015~Coachella 1, Bonnaroo 2016~Summer Camp, Bonnaroo, Live on the Green, Pilgrimage 2017~Bonnaroo, Live on the Green, Pilgrimage 2018~Bonnaroo
"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act" 2019~BROKE 2020~M'fking COVID 2021~ditto 2022~tbd
I am respectful towards those of other faiths, or no faith. I don't push my beliefs onto others.
^ and this is fantastic, and I thank you for that.
But it usually doesn't work that way because Christianity teaches that if you're not telling others about the "Good News" then you're not doing it right. And then once you've heard the "Good News", if you don't get on board, then you're subject to eternal suffering and damnation.
Eh, I would be careful to generalize here. While it frustrates me when supposedly "good Christians" try to impose their beliefs on others, I wouldn't say that Christianity on a whole necessarily advocates this kind of behavior. The specific manner in which someone is going to "wield" his/her religion (for better or for worse) is really up to the individual him/herself. That's not to say that there aren't any churches/groups of Christians who are guilty of this (see Westboro Baptist Church for the most extreme example), but there are plenty of religious people like SilentEyedStorm who are both proud of their faith and respectful of others who have different beliefs/opinions. The best thing we can do as a society is emphasize tolerance for each other's beliefs, and discourage discrimination against others who are different from us. For the record, I'm also an atheist/agnostic.