Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
Post by monkybunney on Oct 16, 2013 15:34:50 GMT -5
I've been mulling this over for a couple of days. I've formed my opinion and believe it's a sound one, but perhaps I'm too close to one side and I'm blinded my my loyalty and love. Thar be drama ahead mateys, be warned!
There are 2 friends. I'll call them Carlos and Randy. Carlos deeply cares for Randy's well being and Randy always seems to have some Moloch he's dealing with. It's not always, or even frequently, Randy's fault that his circumstances are so bad, and Carlos empathizes with Randy. Carlos is no stranger to the beat down life can deliver and hates to see someone still getting kicked around even after their down. Carlos wholeheartedly believes that Randy is a good and genuine person. Randy has said that he tries to do the right thing and treat everyone with compassion and respect and wishes he could do so much more for others but all he can offer is his empathy and friendship for now. Carlos respects and admires Randy's perseverance and positive attitude and provides Randy with any support he has at his disposal without hesitation, be it money to pay a bill, helping his young daughter and even feeding and sheltering them for long stretches should the need arise. Carlos believes in Randy. And perhaps that's what Randy really needs, someone who believes in him and has the ability to back it up.
It's not all puppies and gummy bears. Randy thinks that Carlos can get overbearing in his attempt to guide Randy towards true self sufficiency. It wouldn't be out of line to describe Carlos as possessive at times. For instance Randy got involved in a relationship that just crashed and burned and needed a place to stay for a few months. But Randy isn't burning that bridge entirely just yet, he needs to keep this "girlfriend" for now because she's helping him with stuff. "It's all for my daughter that's the only reason I haven't told that raging c*nt to get Quacked. I don't like having to deal with her but I have to for the sake of my daughter." But happiness is just around the corner according to Randy, he's met this married lady who adores him and says she's leaving her husband and after that they can live together. It's just going to take some time. Randy has never been so in love in his life! But Carlos thinks Randy is not making the best decisions and has told Randy the whole thing seems "kinda Quacked up". Randy told Carlos that they simply have to agree to disagree on that. Carlos agrees. Randy agrees. They move on. Peace appears to be restored.
One day after drinking a few beers Randy crashes out and Carlos is looking at the pictures on Randy's phone that he's taken of them while out and about. But then Carlos starts looking at Randy's recent text messages. He discovers that Randy has been sending vicious texts about him to his friends that Carlos doesn't really know. The texts contain horrible things. Personal things that Carlos had told him in confidence. All sent with a blase and mean spirited tone. Mocking some of Carlos' most personal confessions to this stranger. Carlos is devastated.
Now Carlos really knows what Randy thinks of him. No love. Not a hint of gratitude or respect. Carlos confronts Randy about this betrayal. His deceit. And Randy points out that Carlos had no right to snoop through his personal messages. That if Carlos feels hurt and betrayed about what he read he has no one to blame but himself because he shouldn't have been snooping through his phone in the first place.
The way I feel is that granted Carlos snooping through Randy's messages was an invasion of privacy, that invasion led to Carlos finding out that this person who he thought was a real friend he was helping, doing a good deed, was just using his compassion and willingness to help as a resource and nothing more.
I love Carlos because I know that he is a good, kind and caring person. Randy on the other hand is a deceitful piece of shiz who I wouldn't even piss on if he was on fire at this point.
What do you think? Does Randy have a valid point that Carlos had no right to read his texts and he's being unreasonable for feeling hurt?
TL;DR - If you snooped into another persons phone, who smiles at you and acts like they care and takes your charity only to find out they have 0 respect, love or gratitude towards you. Who is more in the wrong?
Post by itrainmonkeys on Oct 16, 2013 15:47:16 GMT -5
Sounds like Carlos wasn't just looking up photos from their time out because it takes a few steps to get to the actual text messages. Sounds like Carlos just wanted to read Randy's text messages.
This is a betrayal of trust and something that probably shouldn't be taken lightly. It is an invasion of privacy.
That said, it's not unreasonable to me for Carlos to be hurt by the texts. He has no right to read the text messages but that doesn't mean he should just shrug his shoulders and say "I was asking for this". Sounds like Randy is two-faced and not worth having as a friend if he was texting a lot of negative/hateful things.
On a personal note, as someone who was suspicious of weirdness going on in a relationship who went on to read someone else's text messages I can say that I knew what I was doing was crossing a line (reading someone's private messages) but also needed to do it and am glad that I did. The pain that came along with this revelation is not something I find unreasonable to experience. Finding out what somebody ]really thinks about you can really change your life, depending on who that person is.
Yes, he was snooping and probably not something he should have done but no it's not unreasonable to be hurt by what he read. People taking advantage of someone else who has no ill-will towards the person they are helping is just shameful. So frustrating.
~All the accumulated knowledge, experience, and suffering of mankind is inside you. You must build a huge bonfire within you. Then you will become an individual. There is no other way.
~~~U.G. Krishnamurti
"I don't know whose water this is, but I'm drinkin it so F you."~~~Dale
"He is a wook in sheep's clothing."~~~Popsicle Sarah
"You know the feeling when you're in too deep, and when you make it out, the taste - so sweet." ~~DMB
Post by cinnamon girl on Oct 16, 2013 17:35:50 GMT -5
I think they should both just walk away from this whole mess. No one is right, and no one is wrong. I once read my (ex)partner's texts because I suspected he was cheating on me......he was, but that doesn't make my actions right. I'm glad I found out when I did, as I'm sure Carlos is as well, but I still felt wrong doing it.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.
Yes. This is correct. Carlos has feels for Randy. He'd not have done as much for him if he hadn't. But even if Randy doesn't dig sausages as much as Carlos was it right to use him like that?
I think they should both just walk away from this whole mess. No one is right, and no one is wrong. I once read my (ex)partner's texts because I suspected he was cheating on me......he was, but that doesn't make my actions right. I'm glad I found out when I did, as I'm sure Carlos is as well, but I still felt wrong doing it.
That's the moral conundrum I keep running into that prevents me from wholly taking Carlos' side. Carlos discovered a wrong by committing a wrong. So who's wronger?
Yes. This is correct. Carlos has feels for Randy. He'd not have done as much for him if he hadn't. But even if Randy doesn't dig sausages as much as Carlos was it right to use him like that?
I think they should both just walk away from this whole mess. No one is right, and no one is wrong. I once read my (ex)partner's texts because I suspected he was cheating on me......he was, but that doesn't make my actions right. I'm glad I found out when I did, as I'm sure Carlos is as well, but I still felt wrong doing it.
That's the moral conundrum I keep running into that prevents me from wholly taking Carlos' side. Carlos discovered a wrong by committing a wrong. So who's wronger?
I think maybe it doesn't matter. if Carlos is your friend, just support him during a difficult time as he's dealing with the betrayal and loss of someone he obviously cared about a great deal. I've had friends make terrible decisions and be completely in the wrong at times- but we've all been there, so I think as a friend you just love them through it. you don't have to agree 100% with someone's actions in order to be their friend and help them through a bad time. just my $0.02
Does Randy have a valid point that Carlos had no right to read his texts
Yes.
and he's being unreasonable for feeling hurt?
No.
One wrong doesn't excuse another. They both betrayed each other's trust in a pretty big way. However, I think Randy is more in the wrong because he actually disrespected the person, not just the person's privacy.
One wrong doesn't excuse another. They both betrayed each other's trust in a pretty big way. However, I think Randy is more in the wrong because he actually disrespected the person, not just the person's privacy.
That's sort of my thinking. If I don't particularly like someone I avoid them. I couldn't pretend to connect with them and fake a friendship in order to use them as a resource. But that's just me. I also can't think of any logical reason not to fake a friendship with someone you don't really like in order to take advantage of some benefit. Provided you can stomach the dishonesty.
I think maybe it doesn't matter. if Carlos is your friend, just support him during a difficult time as he's dealing with the betrayal and loss of someone he obviously cared about a great deal. I've had friends make terrible decisions and be completely in the wrong at times- but we've all been there, so I think as a friend you just love them through it. you don't have to agree 100% with someone's actions in order to be their friend and help them through a bad time. just my $0.02
Yep, definitely. If he's your friend you're on his side, even if what he did wasn't a shining example of morality. But I'd clock that info away and be aware that he has snoopy tendencies.
~All the accumulated knowledge, experience, and suffering of mankind is inside you. You must build a huge bonfire within you. Then you will become an individual. There is no other way.
~~~U.G. Krishnamurti
"I don't know whose water this is, but I'm drinkin it so F you."~~~Dale
"He is a wook in sheep's clothing."~~~Popsicle Sarah
"You know the feeling when you're in too deep, and when you make it out, the taste - so sweet." ~~DMB
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.
