The unwanted neighbor. What to do?

[indigo]

So I have this neighbor. I live in a group of rental apartments and townhouses. So far I have few complaints, except for the neighbor that came with it.

He doesn't even live next door. But he was a client of my boyfriend's at his old bank. So he says hi the day we move in, helps us with some heavy lifting, and hits on my then roomate, which was enough to make me want to slap him (I knew already at this point he has a girlfriend who is also the mother of his child).

But we're friends at first. He's got this uncanny thing about stopping over at random times, and is getting progressively WIERD. I've told him off once or twice for either being sexist or homophobic, so I guess he knows that if he pisses me off I will open my mouth.

He gets obsessive when he invites us over or for his "social gatherings" and we have other things to do, or decide not to go because we're not up for it. He leaves guilt trips on my voice mail and often acts like a lost puppy when he hears a "well i gotta go" or something like that from me or my boyfriend. Occasionally we can have a nice casual conversation, but it's always followed up with some kind of other social commitment, which doesn't always fly with us. We like our down time, and don't always feel a need to surround ourselves with people we don't know. I seem to get the brunt of the guilt trip, I think he assumes that my boyfriend likes him more than I do. I think generally his intentions are good but he's a freak about it.

He's obsessed with us being part of "his social gatherings" or some wierd social circle. I could really care less, and my boyfriend finds it creepy. I can be cordial with my neighbors, but I don't need them to be best friends or to know all my business. Or to look hurt when I tell him we're catch up with him later when our family is over (we have some we see little enough, not going to bring in someone else to take up that time).

But to give me guilt trips because we don't attend gatherings...some that we don't even know about...I think I am done.

But what do I do? I do not want to make my living situation uncomfortable.

And I just resigned my lease...if only things had gotten wierd a month earlier! (commencing on June 1st)

[Deleted]

Kill his cat!

Nah JK

Just lay it on the line, like you have here. Luckily, I just lost the very type of neighbor you have described. They moved after 5 years of living next to me. It is GLORIOUS!!!!!

[smurf79]

i'd ignore him. thats what i did to my nosy neighbors and after about a month it worked...they don't talk to me anymore.
you just have to be consistent with it, like teaching a child.

edit: or kill his cat....i've heard it works....

[Meg]

I agree - just ignore him - or lay it out for him - one of the two but sounds like you need to do something about it

[badfish]

My girlfriend had a similar problem. She lived with another girl, and their neighbor (a guy) would constantly come over and hit on them and invite them out and such, knowing full well that they both had boyfriends. They dropped subtle hints, that didn't work. They dropped not so subtle hints, that didn't work. They flat out told him he made them uncomfortable, that didn't work.

So one day I'm over there, and she sees him through the window coming up the walkway. So I get an idea. I grab a half empty bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet, take off my shirt (most of my torso is covered in tattoos) and answer the door. Admittedly, I can be a bit intimidating, but I'm a softie. So I act very surly, very angry, and very drunk. He eventually scurried on back to his place, but then a whole new can of worms was opened.

He calls my girlfriend the next day worried that I'm an abusive drunk and that he thinks I'm beating her (which I would never do). So she finally just says the hell with it and tells him how creepy he's being and how much they want him to stop. So he stops. And she apologizes profusely for snapping on him and hopes he doesn't hate her now, ect.

Lesson learned - don't make yourself look stupid like I did. Honesty is the best policy.

[princessvwc]

I agree with just tellin him upfront that you are not interested in attending socail gatherings. and he creeps you out. badfish karma to you on trying to help out the girlfriend. plus it was funny.

[sascwatch]

haha, well I am a guy but I would just say...sorry can't talk/come too busy planning/ gettin ready for bonnaroo! ...can be used 361 days a year...never gets old.