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We're all a mess of paradoxes. Believing in things we know can't be true. We walk around carrying feelings too complicated and contradictory to express. But when it all becomes too big, and words aren't enough to help get it all out, there's always music.
Get a coin. Girl A is tails and Girl B is heads. Flip the coin, and as soon as the coin is in the air, you will realize which girl you would rather talk to.
Get a coin. Girl A is tails and Girl B is heads. Flip the coin, and as soon as the coin is in the air, you will realize which girl you would rather talk to.
Genius!
What happens when the coin lands on it's side? I've never dated casually but I kinda feel I'd need to go out with each of them at least once to see if there's anythin' there. But I have yet to get the nerve to ask either of them out so it may be a moot point.
What happens when the coin lands on it's side? I've never dated casually but I kinda feel I'd need to go out with each of them at least once to see if there's anythin' there. But I have yet to get the nerve to ask either of them out so it may be a moot point.
Dan, you're awesome. Ask them both out and kick the tires. If they need references, I'm here.
Music Midtown'01'02'04'05'11-'13::Ultra'02'03::Roo'07-'16::ACL'10::AF/TheNational'11::Sasquatch'11::Voodoo'11'16::Counterpoint'12'14::Moogfest'12::TommorowWorld'13'14::MOEMS'13::Coachella'14'15::ShakyKnees'13-'17::MFGLASTONBURY2017
Ugghhhh why do I torture myself? I had a huge crush on this girl for a really long time, and after like 2 years of us just being friends it started to turn into more only for her to back out when things started to develop more (this happened a few months back). Now every since then we are back to regular old friends at it sucks! She just asked if I wanted to carpool to a show next month with her and another mutual friend of ours. I'm living that ridiculous story of "friendzoned but don't want to stop being friends because something is better than nothing". Someone needs to come punch me. And bring me a bottle of whiskey.
Now every since then we are back to regular old friends at it sucks! She just asked if I wanted to carpool to a show next month with her and another mutual friend of ours. I'm living that ridiculous story of "friendzoned but don't want to stop being friends because something is better than nothing".
So this is someone you really like?
Why wouldn't you want to spend time with them even if it's just in a friend capacity?
Why wouldn't you want to spend time with them even if it's just in a friend capacity?
Because he went for the full relationship and it didn't go well? There's always going to be that rolling around in his head that he wants it to be more but it isn't.
Now every since then we are back to regular old friends at it sucks! She just asked if I wanted to carpool to a show next month with her and another mutual friend of ours. I'm living that ridiculous story of "friendzoned but don't want to stop being friends because something is better than nothing".
So this is someone you really like?
Why wouldn't you want to spend time with them even if it's just in a friend capacity?
Being friendzoned by someone you really care about, then hanging out with that person while in the friendzone is basically torturing yourself. All the things you like about that person will be right there for you to focus on, all the while you know you can't have what you really want.
It's not that you don't want to spend time with the person (you do, more than pretty much anything), you reach a point where you acknowledge what you're doing to yourself and try to avoid situations that put you in that position.
Post by EthnicallyCrimean98476 on Jan 30, 2013 11:22:06 GMT -5
Banshee, I just removed myself from a situation like that. It was absolute torture for me. I cut off contact and am happier(?). It's still a daily struggle not to shoot her a text or something. Sorry man, it sucks.
You basically have to weigh not seeing/hanging out with the person vs. seeing them occasionally, knowing that they don't (and will likely) never/no longer feel the same way as you. I've been in that situation and I can say option two was 50x more painful.
Why wouldn't you want to spend time with them even if it's just in a friend capacity?
Being friendzoned by someone you really care about, then hanging out with that person while in the friendzone is basically torturing yourself. All the things you like about that person will be right there for you to focus on, all the while you know you can't have what you really want.
It's not that you don't want to spend time with the person (you do, more than pretty much anything), you reach a point where you acknowledge what you're doing to yourself and try to avoid situations that put you in that position.
I mean she is a really f***king cool girl. Even just to hang out with. But Henrik and Dave and everyone else nailed it. Even though we are awesome friends there is still the nagging that
A) I really like her
and even worse
B) We almost had a relationship, which is something I had wanted for a solid 2 years and then it fell through. It's like that bitterness of almost having what you wanted then not all the sudden. So even though we are great friends I'm still pissed at her for that.
Post by itrainmonkeys on Jan 30, 2013 11:49:29 GMT -5
I just plain haven't been trying. Haven't met too many new ladies lately. Need to get my ass in gear and stop being a lazy bum who just eats corn and listens to music.
Yeah I realize that. And I"m good friends with a number of attractive/cool girls who I don't look at like that. This girl was just one of those "wow" moments the first time I met her.
Anyway. All my potential feels have basically disappeared. Just don't even know where to begin anymore!
Post by nodepression on Jan 30, 2013 12:12:09 GMT -5
I don't really know how to articulate this the way I want to, but I don't think it's the worse thing in the world to be friends with someone you really like, even if you're not quite in the place you want to be. There's going to be painful moments, and you certainly shouldn't count on it, but nothing is concrete. I've seen long-term friendships turn into really great/healthy relationships.
Post by itrainmonkeys on Jan 30, 2013 12:16:40 GMT -5
Everything is a case by case basis. Everyone is different and reacts to things differently. So it may work out to be friends for a while and turn it into a relationship. Most people's experiences on here seem like they weren't like that but that doesn't mean it can't happen.
I don't really know how to articulate this the way I want to, but I don't think it's the worse thing in the world to be friends with someone you really like, even if you're not quite in the place you want to be. There's going to be painful moments, and you certainly shouldn't count on it, but nothing is concrete. I've seen long-term friendships turn into really great/healthy relationships.
I've seen more long-term friendships ruined because one person grew feelings the other didn't and then it festered.
I dig what you're saying, you're an optimist in this regard and I was at one point myself. But when you're in that position, it goes so many different ways and almost every one of them ends up with one or both people hurt.
Not to go into too much detail, I slept with a girl for a year as "just friends." No real dates, no b/f and g/f type of stuff, just hanging out with our big group of friends in college and enjoying hooking up with each other. For about 6 months this was fine, then summer break hit and we spent an inordinate amount of time together for "just friends" because most people were home for the break. I grew feelings, she said she didn't (which to this day I suspect was bullsh*t, but it's complicated so I won't delve into it), and our friends who left in May to us just being two insane people who liked hooking up with each other came back in August to see the situation turned into some awkward dance where our friends could tell something was up, neither of us acknowledged it and we didn't stop hooking up.
I think up until the feelings are acknowledged you can say that the "hanging with someone you like who doesn't like you back" thing isn't the worst thing in the world. Once feelings are acknowledged and are not reciprocated by one side of the situation, you can't come back from that.
But for reals, someone once told me something that has stuck with me: nobody likes being down graded.
It is one thing to have friendship with someone you could maybe see having a relationship with but it just doesn't happen and another to have friendship go sexual/romantic and then stop. Despite what the "down graded" person says, they will always have an element of sadness.
I agree to an extent. I really value our platonic friendship and I don't plan on giving that up. But I also agree with the downgraded thing. I'll always be a little bitter over that.
One of my sociology professors told me that at a time when I was still delusionally "close friends" with my high school boyfriend (of 8 years, who I had broken up with). It hit me like a ton of bricks.