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Post by Jake Jortles on Jun 11, 2020 11:04:13 GMT -5
Zombies incoming!
It's like a videogame where they start of coming at you slow. You could probably run around and survive yourself through the first couple rounds. Then the difficulty slowly ramps up until at some point it is impossible to survive. If you got to have 4 individual animals to protect you to the best of their physical abilities, which of the following squads do you believe you would last the longest with? Choose three.
1. The animals know they are fighting for you and are assumed to be prepared to do so to the best of their physical abilities. 2. This is only one of each animal.
This is for seeding. I'm sorry that this will drag out a bit, but I want to see the hilarity that comes from potential debates during 1v1 matchups. The most voted for lineup will have a bye. Use all three of your votes you fucking assholes.
If you are voting but did not follow along in the thread, I highly recommend browsing it for entertainment value.
Gordon the Grizzly Bear - Our ferocious ace. Razor sharp claws and beastly strength. Zombie heads are at his arm's height when he stands on his hind legs and he can easily smash zombie skulls. With a top speed of 35 mph and a weight of 1000 lbs, Gordon can easily charge through a hoarde or stand up and kick some ass. We could probably win with just Gordon alone. A Grizzly Bear doesn't need to charge at something and leave you 30 feet behind him to be effective against a zombie. Can comfortable stand and swipe zombies down left and right, moving from one zombie to the next effortlessly.
Carmen the Crocodile - Low to the ground with a menacing bite. Carmen can put multiple zombies on the ground at once with the swing of her tail and she can smash their heads immediately with her bite force of 3700 lbs PER SQUARE INCH. Stationed in front of Gordon when possible, she takes out legs and bites as many zombie heads as possible to ease Gordon's load. Carmen loves eating zombies as much as zombies love brains.
Franklin the Giant Forest Hog - His name is Franklin the GIANT FOREST HOG. This one doesn't need much explanation, but Franklin is the largest species of wild pig, and he will let you feel it. Franklin is not a nice guy. He is extremely aggressive and will plow through a hoarde of zombies like they are bowling pins. At over 600 pounds, Franklin can help the team both by knocking zombies down, and if he tramples them the undead become dead once more. Franklin can also carry his human partners into battle. Franklin's closest ally is:
Amie the Anaconda - Amie is a 33 foot long giant Anaconda. As much as she would love to slowly strangle a zombie and digest it for a couple of weeks, she understands the task at hand and will forego simple pleasures to help our team. Amie and Franklin have a special alliance that makes them a formidable team. Amie trips up the clumsy zombies with her incredibly long body and can put dozens of zombies on the ground in a matter of seconds. Franklin then charges across their undead bodies and obliterates their zombie heads with his 600+ pounds of Forest Hog. Amie will also round up zombies for easy chomping for Carmen and easy smashing for Gordon. She works extremely hard so that she can take her time torturing the last zombie before eating it whole. A great benefit to having a 33 ft long snake on your side is that Amie can attack zombies at a comfortable distance while simultaneously staying close by in case you are in danger.
My fearless gorilla will clear a path, knocking zombies on their rotting asses.
My sturdy and steady camel will provide me a mount from which I destroy zombies while she kicks and stomps them.
My indestructible coconut crab and komodo dragon will both grab zombies by their legs, toppling the zombies, allowing the crab and dragon to shred the zombies to pieces with their powerful pincers, jaws, and claws.
The cape buffalo is considered one of the most dangerous animals in the world, and kill over 200 humans a year. A cape buffalo weighs about 1,300 pounds and is over 8 feet long. One of these guys by themselves could easily deal with zombies for a while, being able to run into them horn first at a speed of 35 mph. The other heavy hitter in my team is the moose, which is around the same size and weight as the cape buffalo, and can run at the same speed. The giant anteater won't be as effective as those two, but it'll be good enough cleaning up the leftovers from the moose and the cape buffalo's attacks. However, the most important member of my team is Randy, the grey parrot. Without him, I don't think I would stand too much of a chance. He has the ability to fly around and see what's coming at us far before they actually get to us, and this is the species of parrot that can learn up to 1,000 words, meaning he can tell me in pretty good detail where the hordes are coming from. He will also be effective enough in incapacitating individual zombies who might somehow survive the attacks from my stronger animals.
Wow, the disadvantage of being a Mod. You can see how bad you are losing.
My first pick was me because I was worried no one else would vote for me. Wait, no, I meant to say because my team is awesome and I should obviously win.
My second choice was Monie because I think her elephant, kangaroo, baboon combo is pretty scary and could really mess up some zombies.
The third choice was super hard, and you were most definitely among the top contenders for it. Full disclosure, I voted for Jaz because his graphic made me smile.
Wow, the disadvantage of being a Mod. You can see how bad you are losing.
My first pick was me because I was worried no one else would vote for me. Wait, no, I meant to say because my team is awesome and I should obviously win.
My second choice was Monie because I think her elephant, kangaroo, baboon combo is pretty scary and could really mess up some zombies.
The third choice was super hard, and you were most definitely among the top contenders for it. Full disclosure, I voted for Jaz because his graphic made me smile.
My first pick was me because I was worried no one else would vote for me. Wait, no, I meant to say because my team is awesome and I should obviously win.
My second choice was Monie because I think her elephant, kangaroo, baboon combo is pretty scary and could really mess up some zombies.
The third choice was super hard, and you were most definitely among the top contenders for it. Full disclosure, I voted for Jaz because his graphic made me smile.
You are insane.
I can’t argue with the sentiment, but I’m not sure why this is evidence of that.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
tЯist♡n
Inforoo Influencer Totally Robbed of TIN 2016
Elvis, my trusty steed
Beyoncé the badass wolf
Thom Yorke the crazy Tasmanian devil
