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Thanks for the advice and kind words ladies and gents. I just feel like I've been wasting years of my life at this point and can't escape the feeling of it not getting better. It's like everything is going in a cycle of things that come up/health issues leading to money problems leading to more sadness leading to less motivation. I realized at family gatherings I just don't really have much to talk about since I don't have anything going on in my life besides "working" or "going to a concert every now and then" and it bothers me. I can't seem to find a way to get healthy, financially secure, and focus time on outside projects so I can find a new job/move. It seems like I'm so damn good at procrastinating and thinking "I'll do it soon" and then all of a sudden a month or two passes by. I try keeping on top of my health (or I try to try, I should say) and with my shitty insurance it costs and arm and a leg just to go to doctor's for the initial visit. So as I start fixing myself up I start feeling bad about going more into debt and then after I get something fixed a month or two later there's something else new/nagging that starts filling my mind with dread and gloom.
I've just been struggling to put a positive spin on everything for a few years and it's starting to get to me as I look at all the problems I face. I'm 29 years old but feel like a grownup baby who has done nothing of any real importance.
I do appreciate the advice. I will be trying to organize my life a bit more and make some minor changes...hopefully leading to bigger ones. I just feel like so many areas of my life I've been disappointed with and struggle to keep at it. I'm so very good at coming up with excuses and saying "what does it really matter?" to various things. I'm very negative when it comes to myself.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Pick one thing that you know will make you happy and commit to doing it consistently for 3 weeks in a row. In October I decided I wanted to get in better shape so i promised myself to go to the gym 3 days a week for 3 weeks, no excuses. I ended up pulling it off and it became a habit. Going to the gym is part of my life now - sometimes 4 or more times a week. Now that I have that compartmentalized, I can focus on other things I want to improve on. It's like building blocks. Don't be too hard on yourself. We're all human, and Rome wasn't built in a day.
Made some plans to visit family and realized I'm heading out the night of the one show that I bought fucking will call tickets for. I'm out $30 on that and I can't even give them away to anyone. Ugh.
I just melted some of the siding off of my house with my grill. Fuuuuuuck.
Done that before! Sucks. ????
Yeah. I felt really bad. My wife was out for a walk with our daughter when it happened and she was really upset about it. Luckily, we have some spare siding and her uncle is a contractor who's melted his own siding so we should be able to correct it easily.
Still not sure why it happened. It was in virtually the same spot that it was used all last summer. Apparently an inch or two closer to the house. Luckily, I was only a few feet away and heard the piece that melted off of the building hit the ground or that could've been really bad.
Yeah. I felt really bad. My wife was out for a walk with our daughter when it happened and she was really upset about it. Luckily, we have some spare siding and her uncle is a contractor who's melted his own siding so we should be able to correct it easily.
Still not sure why it happened. It was in virtually the same spot that it was used all last summer. Apparently an inch or two closer to the house. Luckily, I was only a few feet away and heard the piece that melted off of the building hit the ground or that could've been really bad.
It was drizzling when I did it... Pulled it under the garage roof a little too close. Meh.
Just found out my mother is at risk of losing her home for unpaid taxes. Only gets SSI which isnt much and has not been able to work for extra income or drive since her shoulder injury over a year ago.
I am taking her to tax office today to plead with them to at least wait until I am back at work so I can pay it off for her.
Just when I thought things couldn't get worse. This is starting to sound like a movie haha
my grandmother passed away on saturday. now that all of the funeral events are over, it feels crazy to just sit with the reality of her being gone. it's been a long couple of years for my family. we've lost my pap, several pets, several close family friends, my sister miscarried and several other family members/family friends are currently going through some tough medical issues. i do feel a sense of relief knowing that my grandparents are no longer suffering (they both had dementia, which was a horrific experience). but man is it heartbreaking to hear my dad and aunts say out loud that they no longer have any parents. i'm so sick of being sad, and sick of losing everyone that i love. edit: i am currently resting my brain by watching every pile of garbage show on television, making ice cream every night and attempting to snapchat face swap with my guinea pig. i will share if it ever recognizes that i am his mother and we should be able to switch faces.
my grandmother passed away on saturday. now that all of the funeral events are over, it feels crazy to just sit with the reality of her being gone. it's been a long couple of years for my family. we've lost my pap, several pets, several close family friends, my sister miscarried and several other family members/family friends are currently going through some tough medical issues. i do feel a sense of relief knowing that my grandparents are no longer suffering (they both had dementia, which was a horrific experience). but man is it heartbreaking to hear my dad and aunts say out loud that they no longer have any parents. i'm so sick of being sad, and sick of losing everyone that i love. edit: i am currently resting my brain by watching every pile of garbage show on television, making ice cream every night and attempting to snapchat face swap with my guinea pig. i will share if it ever recognizes that i am his mother and we should be able to switch faces.
I'm so sorry beebee. Losing loved ones is quite literally the hardest thing in the whole world, and I'm sorry you've had so much loss recently. I hope you take some comfort in knowing that your grandparents will always be with you in your heart.
(I'll be checking my snapchat every hour on the hour now, btw)
my grandmother passed away on saturday. now that all of the funeral events are over, it feels crazy to just sit with the reality of her being gone. it's been a long couple of years for my family. we've lost my pap, several pets, several close family friends, my sister miscarried and several other family members/family friends are currently going through some tough medical issues. i do feel a sense of relief knowing that my grandparents are no longer suffering (they both had dementia, which was a horrific experience). but man is it heartbreaking to hear my dad and aunts say out loud that they no longer have any parents. i'm so sick of being sad, and sick of losing everyone that i love. edit: i am currently resting my brain by watching every pile of garbage show on television, making ice cream every night and attempting to snapchat face swap with my guinea pig. i will share if it ever recognizes that i am his mother and we should be able to switch faces.
Hugs to you. Any one of those things is difficult to deal with. Experiencing them all within a span of a couple of years makes it so much harder.
I realized at family gatherings I just don't really have much to talk about since I don't have anything going on in my life besides "working" or "going to a concert every now and then" and it bothers me.
I relate to that a lot; I've felt that when I'm in a negative headspace, that sort of perception that I'm "not really doing anything with my life" can easily spiral down into all sorts of other judgments. For me, the trick is being able to recognize those sorts of thoughts when they arise, and try to find a way to make them constructive. Like Postjack and Ez said, small incremental changes DO make a difference. It's so easy to get caught into the trap of procrastination and vegging out on this or that, when being productive often usually doesn't actually take nearly as much effort as we build it up to be. For a silly example: sometimes I really neglect keep my room clean. Then I look around and see piles of clothes and dirty dishes and I just think "UGH I don't want to clean this" and I just throw on some Netflix. But that's avoidance, and only keeps my right where I am. But then sometimes I think "I'm literally just going to spend the next five hours browsing the internet, I might as well clean instead", and the whole process of cleaning only ends up taking like a half hour and now it's a huge load off my mind. And then yea, sometimes that snowballs into "Well I need to clean out my car and pay these bills and get this and that done", and sometimes it doesn't, but either way I end up further along than I was before I forced myself to get up off my butt. I'm not sure if that example is analogous at all to your situation, but the point is that so many of our barriers are completely mental - and therefore changeable.
Also, I'm a rather firm believer that discipline > motivation. Do what you need to do whenever possible, regardless of circumstances or whether or not you "feel like" doing it. For example, when I don't go to the gym, I get very depressed. This is something I have tested out on myself countless times, and it always rings true, so I've learned to accept it. This means that even on the days where I'm tired and don't feel like working out or going for a run, I force myself to anyway. Even if it means I have a shitty workout or an exhausting run, in the long run I know it's what I need to do, therefore I'm going to do it. The same holds true for having difficult conversations with people that need to happen, for being social when I recognize I haven't hung out with anyone in a while (even if I don't particularly feel like hanging out), or for cooking myself dinner instead ordering out yet again. Do I always succeed in this? Oh hell nah. But failing 75% of the time is still far more successful than doing nothing. Let stagnation - or the fear of it - be your motivator, and form habits from there. A baby step is still a step.
All this being said, please also keep in mind that your worth and value have absolutely no bearing on how productive you are. Our society encourages us to evaluate our worth on what we've done and what we've accomplished, and in certain situations, this may be true - a productive worker is a more valuable worker to a company, for instance - but outside of those contexts, it means nothing. You have a kind soul, and you put your own ITM pizzazz into the things you do, whether you know it or not. In the scheme of things, this means far more than whether or not you're as far along in life as you're "supposed to be". Life can be hard, especially with medical issues and debt compiled with unwelcome feelings and all the other shit life throws at you, but like EzBugattis said - you're okay. You've got this, and you have the ability to change things for the better, even if you don't see it at the moment. And I'm always here if you wanna chat, or even if you don't.
beebee and @zenfnp, forgive me for not having nearly as many words for you, but you're both in my thoughts. Care about you both. <3
Life sucks sometimes, but it sucks less when we have each other.
Last Edit: Mar 10, 2016 18:43:30 GMT -5 by Jaz - Back to Top
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
I realized at family gatherings I just don't really have much to talk about since I don't have anything going on in my life besides "working" or "going to a concert every now and then" and it bothers me.
I relate to that a lot; I've felt that when I'm in a negative headspace, that sort of perception that I'm "not really doing anything with my life" can easily spiral down into all sorts of other judgments. For me, the trick is being able to recognize those sorts of thoughts when they arise, and try to find a way to make them constructive. Like Postjack and Ez said, small incremental changes DO make a difference. It's so easy to get caught into the trap of procrastination and vegging out on this or that, when being productive often usually doesn't actually take nearly as much effort as we build it up to be. For a silly example: sometimes I really neglect keep my room clean. Then I look around and see piles of clothes and dirty dishes and I just think "UGH I don't want to clean this" and I just throw on some Netflix. But that's avoidance, and only keeps my right where I am. But then sometimes I think "I'm literally just going to spend the next five hours browsing the internet, I might as well clean instead", and the whole process of cleaning only ends up taking like a half hour and now it's a huge load off my mind. And then yea, sometimes that snowballs into "Well I need to clean out my car and pay these bills and get this and that done", and sometimes it doesn't, but either way I end up further along than I was before I forced myself to get up off my butt. I'm not sure if that example is analogous at all to your situation, but the point is that so many of our barriers are completely mental - and therefore changeable.
Also, I'm a rather firm believer that discipline > motivation. Do what you need to do whenever possible, regardless of circumstances or whether or not you "feel like" doing it. For example, when I don't go to the gym, I get very depressed. This is something I have tested out on myself countless times, and it always rings true, so I've learned to accept it. This means that even on the days where I'm tired and don't feel like working out or going for a run, I force myself to anyway. Even if it means I have a shitty workout or an exhausting run, in the long run I know it's what I need to do, therefore I'm going to do it. The same holds true for having difficult conversations with people that need to happen, for being social when I recognize I haven't hung out with anyone in a while (even if I don't particularly feel like hanging out), or for cooking myself dinner instead ordering out yet again. Do I always succeed in this? Oh hell nah. But failing 75% of the time is still far more successful than doing nothing. Let stagnation - or the fear of it - be your motivator, and form habits from there. A baby step is still a step.
All this being said, please also keep in mind that your worth and value have absolutely no bearing on how productive you are. Our society encourages us to evaluate our worth on what we've done and what we've accomplished, and in certain situations, this may be true - a productive worker is a more valuable worker to a company, for instance - but outside of those contexts, it means nothing. You have a kind soul, and you put your own ITM pizzazz into the things you do, whether you know it or not. In the scheme of things, this means far more than whether or not you're as far along in life as you're "supposed to be". Life can be hard, especially with medical issues and debt compiled with unwelcome feelings and all the other shit life throws at you, but like EzBugattis said - you're okay. You've got this, and you have the ability to change things for the better, even if you don't see it at the moment. And I'm always here if you wanna chat, or even if you don't.
beebee and @zenfnp , forgive me for not having nearly as many words for you, but you're both in my thoughts. Care about you both. <3
Life sucks sometimes, but it sucks less when we have each other.
Good stuff, pal. On the specific piece that Jaz clipped - had the same problem as you in my early 20s. Not so much the "hadn't done anything yet" but at family gatherings I had much less to offer than some relatives expected of me. While my same age cousin was in medical school, I had already gone broke twice with a comic book store and as a bartender on Bourbon Street. I had a light bulb moment that I didn't give a shit what any of them thought and I needed to carry that in all conversations - take out the comparisons, the feeling of being judged and run with who you are - no amount of stress or solitude or surrender is going to change that. Sounds trite - but once you're able to adopt "you do you" with people, seriously the rest of life gets a lot easier. This is not science, just old guy experience.
At the end of the day, we are each others' chosen family. We have to lift each other up, make each other laugh and love each other. thank you all - just for being
hugs and love to all that are having a hard time. Life can fucking suck and it honestly helps to know there are people out there (all of you beautiful souls) that care.
Landlord just announced she's selling my house. Offered it to me for a lower price than the listing, with promises of fixing the issues (roof, garage door). Not sure I want to buy this house and I'm still working on my credit. There are no three bedrooms for what I'm paying. Stressed and frustrated and feel like I'm going to be forced into buying this house or move into a complex... Ugh.
Landlord just announced she's selling my house. Offered it to me for a lower price than the listing, with promises of fixing the issues (roof, garage door). Not sure I want to buy this house and I'm still working on my credit. There are no three bedrooms for what I'm paying. Stressed and frustrated and feel like I'm going to be forced into buying this house or move into a complex... Ugh.
So sorry. I am in an apartment right now that I have decorated as close to the way I want as is possible, and the location is perfect - and I have to move for reasons beyond my control.
Landlord just announced she's selling my house. Offered it to me for a lower price than the listing, with promises of fixing the issues (roof, garage door). Not sure I want to buy this house and I'm still working on my credit. There are no three bedrooms for what I'm paying. Stressed and frustrated and feel like I'm going to be forced into buying this house or move into a complex... Ugh.
So sorry. I am in an apartment right now that I have decorated as close to the way I want as is possible, and the location is perfect - and I have to move for reasons beyond my control.
But, as i have found - ownership is not without stress. Maintenance issues and repairs can be costly and stressful. I wish i had a good answer for you. Sometimes situations like this propel needed change. At least this is what i tell myself to cope
But, as i have found - ownership is not without stress. Maintenance issues and repairs can be costly and stressful. I wish i had a good answer for you. Sometimes situations like this propel needed change. At least this is what i tell myself to cope
I am trying to look at it as a positive. I have been getting my credit in order to allow myself to buy a house when I was ready. This might just be the push I was needing to make the jump.
My biggest worry is that my credit isn't exactly where I want it to be quite yet and that I won't qualify for buying a house. I also know that there is no way I will find a house the size that I need for the price that I am paying now, I got really lucky when I found my place. I just don't understand her urgency to sell when you have a renter, that pays on time every month.
But I believe that everything happens for a reason, and that you are were you were meant to be even if shit sucks. Sometimes you have to be in a shitty place in order to evolve and get to where you need to be.
My grandma died tonight. She was 94 and really declining, so we knew this was coming soon and were all pretty well prepared for it. She was at her home of 50+ years with my grandpa, and all three of her daughters saw her today, so we're all good and honestly just more relieved than anything right now. She lived a good, long life and is at peace. And my aunt who who has done an amazing job of providing so much of her 24x7 care for the last year, hours away from her own home, can relax.
What has me upset tonight is finding out that Guinness Nitro IPA, while incredibly smooth and creamy due in large part to the nitrogen, is disappointing both as an IPA and as a Guinness. Faint aroma, weak flavor with a bit of bitterness but none of the good notes I've come to expect from the 10000 IPAs now on the market. Treating myself with hedonistic deliciousness in a time of sadness has failed. Now where are those Choco Tacos? (That's a stupid thing to ask of course, because we all know if there are Choco Tacos in the house they're in the freezer, duh.)
My grandma died tonight. She was 94 and really declining, so we knew this was coming soon and were all pretty well prepared for it. She was at her home of 50+ years with my grandpa, and all three of her daughters saw her today, so we're all good and honestly just more relieved than anything right now. She lived a good, long life and is at peace. And my aunt who who has done an amazing job of providing so much of her 24x7 care for the last year, hours away from her own home, can relax.
i'm so sorry for your loss. my grandma passed away last week, and the situation was similar (aside from being at home). i felt strange being relieved when she passed, but knowing that she is no longer suffering is very comforting. i too am looking forward to seeing my aunt work back towards becoming herself. she's spent the last six years caring for my grandparents full time, and i'm glad that she's going to be able to take time for herself and visiting her new grandbabies. i'll be thinking of you and your family.
So landlord is trying to steamroll me into buying her house now. I have gone through the proper channels and am getting approved and have a realtor. Apparently we aren't working fast enough for her, she wants me (unqualified) to go through her guy (who is a friend of hers) have me sign some four page contract and a disclosure form. I have told her twice that I have started the process (in the legal and correct way). I have told her again that I have a realtor and am in the process of getting approved. Just to shut her down, I had to ask about the inspection and appraisal. I think she thinks I am not knowledgable about buying a house, but I did all the leg work for my ex to buy his house, all he did was write checks. This is not my first rodeo. I know that I am supposed to wait it out in this house until I get qualified and go through all the channels, but I am so over her.
i'm so sorry for your loss. my grandma passed away last week, and the situation was similar (aside from being at home). i felt strange being relieved when she passed, but knowing that she is no longer suffering is very comforting. i too am looking forward to seeing my aunt work back towards becoming herself. she's spent the last six years caring for my grandparents full time, and i'm glad that she's going to be able to take time for herself and visiting her new grandbabies. i'll be thinking of you and your family.
Thanks so much, the support everyone has offered at work, here and elsewhere has been incredible. Sounds like we're kind of in the same boat right now, and after a point you just have to let people go and be glad you had them when you did.
Post by Roo'adelphia on Mar 23, 2016 12:12:13 GMT -5
So I got "transferred" to another location yesterday for my job. They are cutting staff and my boss did me a solid and got me another position. My interview to blow basically, so at least im not completely shitcanned. Just sucks after 7 years that this is what comes of me busting my ass for this place. Good news is our location seems to be imploding, we are getting new management at the top, and my blind loyalty to it just didnt let me see what was happening around me. With my dismissal, everyone left has to work more hours and Saturdays. Seems less like a bad thing and more like an escape capsule as I think on it.
I think my car has officially jumped the shark. Every time I put a few hundred bucks into it another few hundred bucks worth of shit reveals itself. Fuck that car.
Last night I went running for the first time this year, and it felt great - until I stopped. Aside from a nasty case of chub rub, I've got deep pain in both my arches that is preventing me from walking even 16 hours later. They're swollen and kept me from falling asleep last night, so now I've got to keep them elevated and hopefully get some sleep before I go into work this evening. Luckily my boss is awesome and had no problem with my calling out of the first half of my shift, but man this sucks.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
Last night I went running for the first time this year, and it felt great - until I stopped. Aside from a nasty case of chub rub, I've got deep pain in both my arches that is preventing me from walking even 16 hours later. They're swollen and kept me from falling asleep last night, so now I've got to keep them elevated and hopefully get some sleep before I go into work this evening. Luckily my boss is awesome and had no problem with my calling out of the first half of my shift, but man this sucks.
Right after this, I got hit with a stomach bug that knocked me out for a few days. So I spent a few days shitting non-stop, which then led to me being super backed up for the past few days because of dehydration. Of course I haven't been eating through any of this, so I've lost six pounds that I really didn't want to lose. And I've been incredibly oversensitive and on edge lately, which I'm really hoping is because of the lack of glucose and will fix itself soon because it's been clouding my judgment and interactions with people.
I'm just super whiny and I'm getting on my own nerves. I'm physically, mentally, and emotionally out of whack, and just don't really want to be around myself.
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air