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Holls, that fellow academic sounds very interesting
I've just undergone a major status change, as most of you know. I am by no means ready to re-enter the dating scene, and don't think it appropriate for me to do so yet. However, I'm not sitting around covered in sackcloth and ashes either.
My problem is that I forget how old I am...lol. I still feel like a 30 something.
I don't know what to do with this older woman I've been seeing. We are going on a date tonight, first one in over a week because we both went on different trips for the Chuseok Holiday (Korean Harvest Holiday). I went to Japan with one of my buddies, while she led one of the Seoul Hiking Group's (how we met) trips to Namhae beach for Oktoberfest. What happened between our last date and now has brought up familiar bad vibes from past experiences and has overall reminded me how insecure I can get.
When I was a junior in college, like early 2009, I met a beautiful girl at a dance party and we started going on a few dates. Spring Break was about to start and we both already had our own trips planned. I went backpacking while she went on a crosscountry road trip. I was looking forward to picking up where we left off after this 7 day break, but sure enough when I got back she had gotten close with one of the boys on her trip and was no longer interested in me in that way. Moved to the friend zone. I was pretty hurt and we pretty much stopped talking.
This situation is very similar. This older korean girl and I have gone a few dates and had a really good time, but with an extended break coming up where we wouldn't be around each other I was irrationally afraid of something like before happening again. Sure enough I noticed the cutesy, flirty texts stopped happening. Ok thats fine. You can only keep that up for so long. Then when we get back she posts pictures of her trip and she is like really close to this German guy in a lot of her pictures. I try to think nothing of it. She was on a beach, leading a group of foreigners on a fun, holiday trip. She's allowed to meet people and have fun.
But last night, Psy, the Gangnam Style international phenom, played a free concert in Seoul Plaza. 70,000 people were there. I went with some friends, got drunk, had a good time. I knew she was going. But when she posted a few pictures of it last night, it was with that same German guy she had just met. Just she and him. She didn't bother telling me.
I know after knowing her for only a few weeks and after only 3 dates, She isn't 'mine' and we aren't 'together' or anything, but I don't know what to do. Tonight is our first time going out together in 9 days. My question for advice is do I bring up what I saw on facebook? and risk exposing my insecurities as a slight creeper?" or should I put trust in her and keep on going with the program like I never noticed anything. I really like her but I really don't want a repeat of what happened 3 years ago. What would you do in this situation?
I don't know what to do with this older woman I've been seeing. We are going on a date tonight, first one in over a week because we both went on different trips for the Chuseok Holiday (Korean Harvest Holiday). I went to Japan with one of my buddies, while she led one of the Seoul Hiking Group's (how we met) trips to Namhae beach for Oktoberfest. What happened between our last date and now has brought up familiar bad vibes from past experiences and has overall reminded me how insecure I can get.
When I was a junior in college, like early 2009, I met a beautiful girl at a dance party and we started going on a few dates. Spring Break was about to start and we both already had our own trips planned. I went backpacking while she went on a crosscountry road trip. I was looking forward to picking up where we left off after this 7 day break, but sure enough when I got back she had gotten close with one of the boys on her trip and was no longer interested in me in that way. Moved to the friend zone. I was pretty hurt and we pretty much stopped talking.
This situation is very similar. This older korean girl and I have gone a few dates and had a really good time, but with an extended break coming up where we wouldn't be around each other I was irrationally afraid of something like before happening again. Sure enough I noticed the cutesy, flirty texts stopped happening. Ok thats fine. You can only keep that up for so long. Then when we get back she posts pictures of her trip and she is like really close to this German guy in a lot of her pictures. I try to think nothing of it. She was on a beach, leading a group of foreigners on a fun, holiday trip. She's allowed to meet people and have fun.
But last night, Psy, the Gangnam Style international phenom, played a free concert in Seoul Plaza. 70,000 people were there. I went with some friends, got drunk, had a good time. I knew she was going. But when she posted a few pictures of it last night, it was with that same German guy she had just met. Just she and him. She didn't bother telling me.
I know after knowing her for only a few weeks and after only 3 dates, She isn't 'mine' and we aren't 'together' or anything, but I don't know what to do. Tonight is our first time going out together in 9 days. My question for advice is do I bring up what I saw on facebook? and risk exposing my insecurities as a slight creeper?" or should I put trust in her and keep on going with the program like I never noticed anything. I really like her but I really don't want a repeat of what happened 3 years ago. What would you do in this situation?
jp, that sucks, but that's where you are in this dating situation.
I would definitely not bring it up. As you said, you do not own her, you're not exclusive. And only bad things could come of it. I know if a guy I was just dating brought up something like that, it would be the last time we went out. Especially if it's not immediately followed by a talk about wanting to be exclusive. It doesn't sound like you're ready for that yet, so....
Continue being your charming self. If you're still interested in this lady, keep seeing her. See where it goes. Don't hit the eject button because of a flashback to a previous situation.
I agree wth CKS but would add that you should keep a close eye as things get more serious. At this point, see where things go. If she does not post the fun she is having with you, then that could be an indicator. Most importantly, have fun. If it is causing you too Mich stress, it may not be worth it.
Well the date went well I guess. But there was some weird tension leading up to it. We were meant to get dinner and then go to Hongdae (big bar scene in downtown seoul), but about two hours before meeting up for dinner she calls and says she is sleepy and wants to take a nap and cancels dinner, and moves the meetup to about 10:30 (two hours up). Then at about 10 she texts me and says she just woke up and is still very tired. I got the feeling that she was trying to flake so I called her to quit ambiguity, and that got her out. Met up around 11:15 and stayed out all night until the sun came up.
We had a great time dancing, drinking, playing pool, and even got some kisses. But I can't help but feel it was a little insincere on her part. Like she did it all just to make me happy and not because she really wanted to. I don't know why. I must be crazy to think a girl would stay out for over six hours doing all that just to play me. But I don't know. The whole thing leading up to it almost having to push her out the door just to go out put a bad taste in my mouth.
April 12-14th - Indio, CA - Coachella Weekend 1
May 3-5th - Memphis, TN - Beale St. Music Festival
June 13-16th - Manchester, TN - Bonnaroo
July 12-14th - Louisville, KY - Forecastle Festival
August 2-4th - Chicago, IL - Lollapalooza
September 27-29th - Atlanta, GA - TomorrowWorld
October 25-27th - Asheville, NC - Mountain Oasis
Here's my (unsolicited) two cents' worth from a female's perspective: if a chick wants to be with you, she will move mountains to make it happen. She won't flake out. Sure, she might be tired & really want to take a nap. Hell, I did that recently...slept right thru some "plans" I'd sorta kinda made.
Bottom line: she's giving you clues. It might be better to gracefully exit now before you get attached. It's much less painful that way...
I think most of the problem is me. I am expecting too much. I really like her and want her to like me just as much. But she is a native Korean and I am a foreigner. I have to let her get to know me, we've only gotten together 4 times in 3 weeks. Most of our communicating has been through texts and facebook. She has a LOT of foreign friends. A LOT of foreign guy friends. But she is giving me something extra I can tell. We had a good date. 7+ hours of late-night fun, just the two of us.
You all are helping me through this a lot. Thanks so much. I think I just need to try and not think about it and let whatever happens happen.
Here's my (unsolicited) two cents' worth from a female's perspective: if a chick wants to be with you, she will move mountains to make it happen. She won't flake out. Sure, she might be tired & really want to take a nap. Hell, I did that recently...slept right thru some "plans" I'd sorta kinda made.
Bottom line: she's giving you clues. It might be better to gracefully exit now before you get attached. It's much less painful that way...
Here's a male perspective. She's playing hard to get. I had a woman keep telling me to leave her alone. But I persisted, because I knew it was a game she was playing. Even when she got a temporary restraining order against me, I knew that despite her words, deeds, lawyers' threatening letters, and some pretty intimidating warnings from the local cops, that we were meant to be together. I eventually stopped pursuing her, but only because I got tired of her games. Her loss.
Here's my (unsolicited) two cents' worth from a female's perspective: if a chick wants to be with you, she will move mountains to make it happen. She won't flake out. Sure, she might be tired & really want to take a nap. Hell, I did that recently...slept right thru some "plans" I'd sorta kinda made.
Bottom line: she's giving you clues. It might be better to gracefully exit now before you get attached. It's much less painful that way...
Here's a male perspective. She's playing hard to get. I had a woman keep telling me to leave her alone. But I persisted, because I knew it was a game she was playing. Even when she got a temporary restraining order against me, I knew that despite her words, deeds, lawyers' threatening letters, and some pretty intimidating warnings from the local cops, that we were meant to be together. I eventually stopped pursuing her, but only because I got tired of her games. Her loss.
HAHA
since my last update she has made some more less-than-subtle hints that she either isn't interested in me anymore, or playing very hard to get. She still texts me occasionally, asking what's up. I'm over it now though. I've made a lot of friends on various hiking trips in the past couple of weeks and have taken a few of them out to dinner. I needed something to get my mind off her, and it worked.
Not sure what got into me, but I decided to go down to the local bar Saturday night to watch the Ohio State game. I had to scope the bar for a little while to snag a spot. Random girl approached to order a beer at the crowded bar. She asks what I am drinking (it was a Lucifer Belgian Ale). Then proceeds to tell me about a few of the beers on the list, one being local and the other was her "favorite". Offers me a taste of her Lost Rhino Face Pant IPA...then goes back to play pool. She did come back to pay her tab, introduced herself and was on her way. Wow, it all happens so fast and infrequently. I am sure some of you with better game would have capitalized on that interaction way better than I did...Good stuff. :-)
Yet it is in this loneliness that the deepest activities begin. It is here that you discover act without motion, labor that is profound repose, vision in obscurity, and, beyond all desire, a fulfillment whose limits extend to infinity.
~ Thomas Merton ~
Not sure what got into me, but I decided to go down to the local bar Saturday night to watch the Ohio State game. I had to scope the bar for a little while to snag a spot. Random girl approached to order a beer at the crowded bar. I am sure some of you with better game would have capitalized on that interaction way better than I did...
Just a random thought on how to "capitalize on that interaction": if guys (and girls - we're just as guilty of this!) would spend more time looking at the people in the room and less time staring at their phone & texting, they would send out a signal that says "Hey, I'm approachable! Come talk to me!" Instead, people often use phones as crutches. And FWIW, if I see a hot guy at a bar (esp. if he's drinking a beer I like), I'd be more inclined to approach him if he didn't seem like he was on a date w/his Droid.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Welcome back Bonz, but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal.
Ok. Point taken. With the facial hair, I feel like he's a wild animal that will hunt me down and eat me in a forest.
Wait...what? Is this how most women that enjoy beards think? Are they living out some weird wilderness fantasy when they hook up with me? If so, sweet.
And FWIW, if I see a hot guy at a bar (esp. if he's drinking a beer I like), I'd be more inclined to approach him if he didn't seem like he was on a date w/his Droid.
Again, just my two cents' worth.
I tried to have two dates at the same time, Heather and the Stratosphere. Heather won't let me do that anymore.
If I'm single and at the bar alone, you think I'm cute - just say something. I'll put the phone down. I might entirely be addicted to my phone, which is a problem.
Mar 14 Sheepdogs/Fitz & The Tantrums/City & Colour (Austin)
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And FWIW, if I see a hot guy at a bar (esp. if he's drinking a beer I like), I'd be more inclined to approach him if he didn't seem like he was on a date w/his Droid.
Again, just my two cents' worth.
I tried to have two dates at the same time, Heather and the Stratosphere. Heather won't let me do that anymore.
If I'm single and at the bar alone, you think I'm cute - just say something. I'll put the phone down. I might entirely be addicted to my phone, which is a problem.
I would never ever ever approach a dude who is obsessively checking his phone. Why put up another barrier for someone to talk to you?
but I do not find it strange that your presence being requested in the Orgy thread and then you showing up, like it was the quacking Bonzai Bat Signal. 
