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My grandfather sends me a letter each month and I normally save every one of them, but I think I'm going to have to cut off the second half of this one, which starts out "Stay away from gay people. Because you do not want to become gay." He had a bad experience with a gay sergeant in the military who wouldn't leave him alone, despite repeatedly telling him he wasn't gay, and I guess that's shaped his entire view of gay people, unfortunately. Really made my gut drop. I have several gay friends and acquaintances, but even worse, my aunt/his stepdaughter is gay (and one of the absolute nicest, caring people I know.) It just really saddens me that he thinks that way. I'd really like to write him back and explain that I have several gay friends and acquaintances and that they are all some of the nicest people I know and not one has ever tried to accost me, but I'm conflicted about it. I've talked with my mom about it and she said "don't even go there" and I don't want to get into any kind of argument with my grandfather, but I also want to tell him "Grandpa, Aunt Debbie is gay and we both know what a wonderful person she is. I'm sorry that happened to you, but not every gay person is like that, just as not every straight male is a rapist."
Anyone had any experience with this sort of thing?
I imagine the best thing is to just let it be and view it as a handicap, but it's just getting to me.
I have some experience with this from my mom. We ended up getting in more of a fight about it because she wouldnt drop it, but I just addressed it as "I know you've had your experiences and beliefs, but mine aren't the same. You might want to change mine and I might want to change yours but I'm going to ask that you respect mine. I know that I disagree and would prefer not to have this conversation."
That's about as far as I've pushed it and it does seem to have worked. She at least stopped texting me anti-gay marriage propaganda.
My grandfather sends me a letter each month and I normally save every one of them, but I think I'm going to have to cut off the second half of this one, which starts out "Stay away from gay people. Because you do not want to become gay." He had a bad experience with a gay sergeant in the military who wouldn't leave him alone, despite repeatedly telling him he wasn't gay, and I guess that's shaped his entire view of gay people, unfortunately. Really made my gut drop. I have several gay friends and acquaintances, but even worse, my aunt/his stepdaughter is gay (and one of the absolute nicest, caring people I know.) It just really saddens me that he thinks that way. I'd really like to write him back and explain that I have several gay friends and acquaintances and that they are all some of the nicest people I know and not one has ever tried to accost me, but I'm conflicted about it. I've talked with my mom about it and she said "don't even go there" and I don't want to get into any kind of argument with my grandfather, but I also want to tell him "Grandpa, Aunt Debbie is gay and we both know what a wonderful person she is. I'm sorry that happened to you, but not every gay person is like that, just as not every straight male is a rapist."
Anyone had any experience with this sort of thing?
I imagine the best thing is to just let it be and view it as a handicap, but it's just getting to me.
You should keep this entire letter along with the others. First, like others have said, your fortunate to have the sort of relationship with your grandfather. But more to the point, when your his age there will probably be something you don't agree with about society or can't accept. Maybe your father got a letter like this about interracial marriage. Maybe your grandfather got a letter like this about integrated schools. When were all old maybe we'll have views that our grandchildren find uncomfortable. Perhaps this letter and the way you feel about it now will help you remember to keep an open mind into old age.
Anyone had any experience with this sort of thing?
I imagine the best thing is to just let it be and view it as a handicap, but it's just getting to me.
I can relate... my grandfather, whom I loved dearly and was very close to my entire life until his death, was extremely racist. after years of trying to change his opinions I realized I never would. it made me so sad and it was so hard to reconcile that ugliness with the other parts of his personality, because he was an otherwise loving and gentle man who always accepted me no matter what. even with two of my best friends, who are Colombian and Indian respectively, he was nice to their faces but did not view them as equals, and after many debates we basically came to an unspoken agreement to just leave that topic alone. it broke my heart. so, even though your grandfather's opinion on the subject of homosexuality is hard for you to deal with, I would say you probably won't be able to change his mind and maybe it's better to just love him for his good qualities and try to ignore that topic.
by the way, one of the best friends I mentioned above is also gay, and I share her opinion: "If you don't like gay marriage, then don't get gay married."
I won't let the word retarxxxxx used in my house. I say the F word all the time (well when I know I won't offend anyone) ... Just me I suppose ... BTW, go Michigan. Louisville beat my team but I had M ties in the past.... cr****
I won't let the word retarxxxxx used in my house. I say the F word all the time (well when I know I won't offend anyone) ... Just me I suppose ... BTW, go Michigan. Louisville beat my team but I had M ties in the past.... cr****
Once upon a time, Kevin and I had a nice lazy afternoon after a night of Phish at Alpine. It was exceedingly pleasant.
That's what my boy Phil said about this picture, taken the day after he joined me in celebrating my Dirty Thirty birthday in the aforementioned manner.
I post this because Phil is no longer with us. His choice, his action; no explanation, only guesses. The first words from the first friend with whom I shared the news and put him in the ground were "God dammit! He had forty years ahead of him... and he was better than most people!" will stick with me always.
Phil was my boy from the beginning of college in 1999, when our dorm rooms were separated by just five doors, until about three weeks ago. Longer than most of my married age-peer friends have known their spouses.
Our many adventures on this Earth together included logging twelve thousand miles of road trips across this nation, including Radiohead headline appearances at Bonnaroo, Coachella and Lollapalooza. I've been to Bonnaroo ten times now, though Phil only came along for the ride about half the time. I know he's met some of you here, be it at a set, our campsite, or maybe even the brunch or two he attended even though he was but a lurker here.
I've been hearing a lot lately that Phil had the ability of leaving an impression even after brief meetings, so I just wanted to share since that could apply to some of you.
Not sure what else to say. It's been a rough few weeks on my end and I'm still dealing with facing the rest of my life without my best friend.
If you love someone, tell them.
And for my Bonnaroo purposes... pouring out PBR tall boys with our old college buddies I perennially camp with is an acceptable substitute for glass 40s, right? Or do I need some smuggling tips here?
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend Kevin. Sending love and hugs your way.
Post by abrakapokus on Apr 7, 2013 20:16:57 GMT -5
I should be super stoked for Roo but I'm just not right now. I love the line up but so many people who I love aren't going this year and it probably has something to do with the fact we haven't bought tickets yet. Idk, just can't get excited but I want to be!
I should be super stoked for Roo but I'm just not right now. I love the line up but so many people who I love aren't going this year and it probably has something to do with the fact we haven't bought tickets yet. Idk, just can't get excited but I want to be!
Agreed. Until both tickets are nailed down, it won't feel like it is actually going to happen in a solid way. Also, it will be sad for some people to be missing this year, but there's still plenty of great people going.
My sister is an anthropologist! She completed all the coursework for her Phd but the government cut the funding she applied for (and was told her application was fantastic) to complete her dissertation. Yay anthropology and stuffs!
I wish your sister the best on her journey as a scholar! That's awesome that she is trying for her PhD. No matter the field, it is so much work getting thru it. What is her specific field of study?
My bad, I've not been on the forum lately.
She actually dropped out of her PhD program. Her advisers congratulated her on the decision. LOL. She HAD to go to work not having received her grant to pursue her dissertation work. Her BA is in Russian and Russian studies, MA I think generically "anthropology"- not sure. She specifically studied shamanism in the Siberian region which she had taught English in. Siberia has a whole other culture than what we think of as "Russian". Though they are Russian citizens and all they border Mongolia and look more Asian than Slavic and actually spoke Russian as a second language. The primary language in the region she was at I can't remember the name of and Google results aren't sparking any memory . Boo! So she was teaching these kids a third language by way of their second.
I won't let the word retarxxxxx used in my house. I say the F word all the time (well when I know I won't offend anyone) ... Just me I suppose ... BTW, go Michigan. Louisville beat my team but I had M ties in the past.... cr****
I very much dislike that word too
It isn't allowed in my house either. Also, whenever any of my friends say it I explain to them how that is actually a hurtful word to many. I like that other people feel the same
On April 8th the Chill or Be Chilled Turntable.FM room will be hosting a series of great musicians playing live over the course of 12 hours 10AM-10PM PST:
Thanks for the thoughts. I'm just going to let it be with my grandfather. No use getting into it. I plan on writing him back and just not mentioning it. He's a good man, even if he is ignorant about a few things. We may not have the same views on some things, but he's still one of my heroes.
My grandfather sends me a letter each month and I normally save every one of them, but I think I'm going to have to cut off the second half of this one, which starts out "Stay away from gay people. Because you do not want to become gay." He had a bad experience with a gay sergeant in the military who wouldn't leave him alone, despite repeatedly telling him he wasn't gay, and I guess that's shaped his entire view of gay people, unfortunately. Really made my gut drop. I have several gay friends and acquaintances, but even worse, my aunt/his stepdaughter is gay (and one of the absolute nicest, caring people I know.) It just really saddens me that he thinks that way. I'd really like to write him back and explain that I have several gay friends and acquaintances and that they are all some of the nicest people I know and not one has ever tried to accost me, but I'm conflicted about it. I've talked with my mom about it and she said "don't even go there" and I don't want to get into any kind of argument with my grandfather, but I also want to tell him "Grandpa, Aunt Debbie is gay and we both know what a wonderful person she is. I'm sorry that happened to you, but not every gay person is like that, just as not every straight male is a rapist."
Anyone had any experience with this sort of thing?
I imagine the best thing is to just let it be and view it as a handicap, but it's just getting to me.
Keep all those letters, even the ones you don't agree with.
Got a big file folder with every letter he's ever written me since I started saving them
Last Edit: Apr 8, 2013 11:41:29 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Thanks for the thoughts. I'm just going to let it be with my grandfather. No use getting into it. I plan on writing him back and just not mentioning it. He's a good man, even if he is ignorant about a few things. We may not have the same views on some things, but he's still one of my heroes.
My grandfather was a gypsy born in 1921. He was probably one of the most racist individuals I've known, but to him it was just "way of life".
It sucks and it's unfortunate but we can't change their views. But we can change our families FUTURE perspective.
Last Edit: Apr 8, 2013 11:42:26 GMT -5 by Deleted - Back to Top
Post by ShortieSensei on Apr 8, 2013 11:44:43 GMT -5
I'm at work right now thinking about how much I want to quit and move to Nashville lol Only reason I haven't done so yet is because I haven't secured a job out there. smh the struggle
Thanks for the thoughts. I'm just going to let it be with my grandfather. No use getting into it. I plan on writing him back and just not mentioning it. He's a good man, even if he is ignorant about a few things. We may not have the same views on some things, but he's still one of my heroes.
But we can change our families FUTURE perspective.
Speaking of which, I'm waiting until my cousin Will (currently six) gets to middle school to start mailing him records and tipping him off on music. Fully plan on turning him into a music fan.
On April 8th the Chill or Be Chilled Turntable.FM room will be hosting a series of great musicians playing live over the course of 12 hours 10AM-10PM PST:
Post by Black Dynamite on Apr 8, 2013 12:40:49 GMT -5
How was everbody's weekend?
I played the print out version of cards against humanity - had a quacking blast!! I got way to drunk watching my favorite basketball team lose to my second favorite basketball team. I won a high stakes game of mini golf against my GF in which I obtained 5 dollars (but not really because I felt bad).