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Yeah, something's not adding up here. It might not be the dad because some people's parents can get a bit extreme with tough love, but I'm pretty sure there's some fishy business in there. Couldn't she just move back to Jersey if money's such an issue she's hitting up friends she's not spoken to in years for a few hundred? It's possible old habits are coming back, and her current social circle are all broke from the same habits.
It's your call what to do, but consider it a gift, not a loan.
Do not do it, offer any other kind of aid besides financial if it's eating at you but fuck that. Seen way to many people with similar stories pull this kind of stuff. Plus the inconsistent stories, done. That might sound heartless but you can't dedicate your energy or this case money to people who are just going suck it out of you. It would be nice to be able to help all 7 billion people but we gotta draw a line. But just my opinion, be honest with her and go with your guy
Truth. A similar thing happened to me a several years ago with a friend who was (probably still is, judging from FB pics) hooked on opioids - not an enormous amount of cash, but enough to feel the pinch for a week or so, and enough to add a slightly awkward air every time we spoke after that.
I still like him as a person, but I didn't feel particularly great about donating to the Get Your Buddy High on Painkillers Foundation.
Hmm yeah thanks. I don't really want to lend it to her, but I'd feel pretty bad if I didnt. I'm going to suggest she sign up as an uber driver or sell something to make the money.
If you want to help her out and you are going into it with your eyes open,* then that's one thing. But if you don't want to lend/give money to a person who you hardly speak to, who has gotten herself into financial trouble that you were in no way a part of, and who seems to have mislead you in some way about why she needs the help, then I don't think you should feel bad about that for one second.
And if she gets mad or makes you feel bad for declining, it seems like that's really something to consider when thinking about whether she's much of a friend in the first place.
*Whether it's lending or giving, money changing hands between friends really can change your relationship. Not saying that is always for the worse even, but I'd wager that it is pretty often.
So this girl I used to be close with but haven't really spoken to in a few years, hit me up today asking to borrow $250. She had just gotten out of a relationship and moved back to NJ from Brooklyn, but her job is still there. She has been commuting and its eaten at her funds and she can't afford her car payment this month. She is not exactly a responsible or trustworthy person and used to be an addict (I don't think she still is though, looking at her facebook it seems like her story checks out). But I'm pretty sure if I lent it, I would never see that money again.
I feel a little used because again we haven't had a real conversation in years. I asked why she couldn't ask one of her other friends. She says they are all poor or unwilling to help. I asked for her info and a website so I could make the payment directly for her, just to be sure. And now she says she borrowed the money from her dad two weeks ago and he's demanding to get paid or going to kick her out and take the car, so she needs cash.... She seems desperate. But this all comes off shady. I can afford to lend her the money, but it would make my life a little annoying and require a tighter budget for a week or so. Do I give it to her?
I used red bold lettering because these points of your post set off alarm bells for me. Did her father Co-sign for the car loan or is the loan entirely in his name? He has no legal recourse to take her car if that's not the case. Kicking her out of his house is one thing but seizing her car can't legally happen unless their is a contract of some sort. Instead of paying the car loan company what if you offered to pay her Dad back directly? Awkward? Yep. But in theory the money is still going to the same place.
I wish you the best and hope it's not like that. I had to excise someone who was once very relevant to me from my life recently. She was like a black hole and I tried throwing all my love into it thinking that would help. In my case I was just feeding it more mass & making it more difficult for any light to escape. Do what you think is right. I'm a very easy person to take advantage of once. Honestly if I were in your shoes I would give her the money this time (not expecting to get anything back) but I wouldn't offer further assistance in the form of cash. Good luck.
Warning: beware of run on sentences and just poor sentence structure in general. This my story about my day at Gasparilla Music festival and it's just awesome in my opinion and figured I should share cause I think you guys will like it.
So guys, I just got back from Gasparilla music fest and it was a good time. The best show of the weekend isn't even a debate (and this is coming from a HUGE Modest Mouse fanatic) Gogol Bordello fucking killed it and it was the final show of the whole fest. So I found myself at this Gogol show and a few songs I hear murmurings of a mosh pit (it had been something I'd been debating the whole, to mosh or not to mosh at Gogol because I love him and have never seen him but my leg...) Anyway, thirty seconds after the most pit started and I couldn't resist cause all my friends started going for it. I threw caution to the wind and ignored my doctors orders to chill at shows until my leg is healed and I had a fucking amazing time and got a black eye and it arguably my favorite festival ending show/experience I've ever been to
After leaving the fest we decided to walk to Jerk Hut (try to refrain from the dirty jokes, they've already been made) and while I was sitting outside eating, a man walked in who looked an awful lot like Gogol and I said to my friend "Man, right after seeing Gogol, we just saw the closest look a like to him that you will ever see in America" and after this guy got his food and came outside for a seat, I invited him to sit with us because we had two chairs and the rest were taken. We start eating and talking and he has a think european accent and then I look at his shoes, they were black Asics with the white design on them, the same shoes that I had made a comment to my friend about Gogol wearing during the show. I stared at him for a solid three seconds and he looks up at me with a confused look on his face and go, "Oh shit, you ARE Gogol!" He smiled and said yes and I thanked for the great show and the black eye and we chatted and had dinner together and he asked for suggestions on local bars and when we went to part ways after they finished dinner, he invited to me to drink and I told him I had to drive but he I insisted that I come have at least one beer. I of course couldn't say no. So he bought me a beer.
That was the amazing, risky, unique end to my Gasparilla music festival and I absolutely loved it.
That's too fucking cool I always dream of running into an artist like that, glad you had it happen!
Warning: beware of run on sentences and just poor sentence structure in general. This my story about my day at Gasparilla Music festival and it's just awesome in my opinion and figured I should share cause I think you guys will like it.
So guys, I just got back from Gasparilla music fest and it was a good time. The best show of the weekend isn't even a debate (and this is coming from a HUGE Modest Mouse fanatic) Gogol Bordello fucking killed it and it was the final show of the whole fest. So I found myself at this Gogol show and a few songs I hear murmurings of a mosh pit (it had been something I'd been debating the whole, to mosh or not to mosh at Gogol because I love him and have never seen him but my leg...) Anyway, thirty seconds after the most pit started and I couldn't resist cause all my friends started going for it. I threw caution to the wind and ignored my doctors orders to chill at shows until my leg is healed and I had a fucking amazing time and got a black eye and it arguably my favorite festival ending show/experience I've ever been to
After leaving the fest we decided to walk to Jerk Hut (try to refrain from the dirty jokes, they've already been made) and while I was sitting outside eating, a man walked in who looked an awful lot like Gogol and I said to my friend "Man, right after seeing Gogol, we just saw the closest look a like to him that you will ever see in America" and after this guy got his food and came outside for a seat, I invited him to sit with us because we had two chairs and the rest were taken. We start eating and talking and he has a think european accent and then I look at his shoes, they were black Asics with the white design on them, the same shoes that I had made a comment to my friend about Gogol wearing during the show. I stared at him for a solid three seconds and he looks up at me with a confused look on his face and go, "Oh shit, you ARE Gogol!" He smiled and said yes and I thanked for the great show and the black eye and we chatted and had dinner together and he asked for suggestions on local bars and when we went to part ways after they finished dinner, he invited to me to drink and I told him I had to drive but he I insisted that I come have at least one beer. I of course couldn't say no. So he bought me a beer.
That was the amazing, risky, unique end to my Gasparilla music festival and I absolutely loved it.
That's awesome. Did you call him Gogol all night or did he tell you his name (Eugene Hutz)?
So this girl I used to be close with but haven't really spoken to in a few years, hit me up today asking to borrow $250. She had just gotten out of a relationship and moved back to NJ from Brooklyn, but her job is still there. She has been commuting and its eaten at her funds and she can't afford her car payment this month. She is not exactly a responsible or trustworthy person and used to be an addict (I don't think she still is though, looking at her facebook it seems like her story checks out). But I'm pretty sure if I lent it, I would never see that money again.
I feel a little used because again we haven't had a real conversation in years. I asked why she couldn't ask one of her other friends. She says they are all poor or unwilling to help. I asked for her info and a website so I could make the payment directly for her, just to be sure. And now she says she borrowed the money from her dad two weeks ago and he's demanding to get paid or going to kick her out and take the car, so she needs cash.... She seems desperate. But this all comes off shady. I can afford to lend her the money, but it would make my life a little annoying and require a tighter budget for a week or so. Do I give it to her?
I used red bold lettering because these points of your post set off alarm bells for me. Did her father Co-sign for the car loan or is the loan entirely in his name? He has no legal recourse to take her car if that's not the case. Kicking her out of his house is one thing but seizing her car can't legally happen unless their is a contract of some sort. Instead of paying the car loan company what if you offered to pay her Dad back directly? Awkward? Yep. But in theory the money is still going to the same place.
I wish you the best and hope it's not like that. I had to excise someone who was once very relevant to me from my life recently. She was like a black hole and I tried throwing all my love into it thinking that would help. In my case I was just feeding it more mass & making it more difficult for any light to escape. Do what you think is right. I'm a very easy person to take advantage of once. Honestly if I were in your shoes I would give her the money this time (not expecting to get anything back) but I wouldn't offer further assistance in the form of cash. Good luck.
I agree with all of this. Personally, I don't think I would hand over that amount of money to someone who is clearly being fishy/not entirely honest about what the money is for - if she had said "yes, that works" to your offer of directly paying the car company, that would be so different. But she didn't.
At the end of the day though, it is obviously your call. Good luck in doing what you feel is best
Considering you've found the need to respond to my threads as if you are threatened by me I offer you some peace my confused counterpart. May you find peace in your restless soul.
Launchpad - I wouldn't give that kind of money to someone I rarely talk to. It sounds like she's scamming you.
Do not feel bad about not giving her the money if that's what you decide. She hasn't bothered to have a conversation with you in years until she suddenly needs money? That's suspect.
@gambit88, do not do this if it would put you in an uncomfortable financial situation considering this is someone that isn't really in your life anymore. I view friendships as a give and receive type of thing. Why should you do something for this person that has given nothing to you as far as the friendship goes. I suppose one could argue that altruism would be a good reason to help her out, but you can be altruistic without being a pushover. It sounds to me like this person isn't in your life anymore, and therfore you aren't really responsible for helping her out. In the end it's up to you. Either way you decide, you can feel good about yourself because neither decision is the wrong one. I just wouldn't expect getting the money back if you do loan it to her.
Warning: beware of run on sentences and just poor sentence structure in general. This my story about my day at Gasparilla Music festival and it's just awesome in my opinion and figured I should share cause I think you guys will like it.
So guys, I just got back from Gasparilla music fest and it was a good time. The best show of the weekend isn't even a debate (and this is coming from a HUGE Modest Mouse fanatic) Gogol Bordello fucking killed it and it was the final show of the whole fest. So I found myself at this Gogol show and a few songs I hear murmurings of a mosh pit (it had been something I'd been debating the whole, to mosh or not to mosh at Gogol because I love him and have never seen him but my leg...) Anyway, thirty seconds after the most pit started and I couldn't resist cause all my friends started going for it. I threw caution to the wind and ignored my doctors orders to chill at shows until my leg is healed and I had a fucking amazing time and got a black eye and it arguably my favorite festival ending show/experience I've ever been to
After leaving the fest we decided to walk to Jerk Hut (try to refrain from the dirty jokes, they've already been made) and while I was sitting outside eating, a man walked in who looked an awful lot like Gogol and I said to my friend "Man, right after seeing Gogol, we just saw the closest look a like to him that you will ever see in America" and after this guy got his food and came outside for a seat, I invited him to sit with us because we had two chairs and the rest were taken. We start eating and talking and he has a think european accent and then I look at his shoes, they were black Asics with the white design on them, the same shoes that I had made a comment to my friend about Gogol wearing during the show. I stared at him for a solid three seconds and he looks up at me with a confused look on his face and go, "Oh shit, you ARE Gogol!" He smiled and said yes and I thanked for the great show and the black eye and we chatted and had dinner together and he asked for suggestions on local bars and when we went to part ways after they finished dinner, he invited to me to drink and I told him I had to drive but he I insisted that I come have at least one beer. I of course couldn't say no. So he bought me a beer.
That was the amazing, risky, unique end to my Gasparilla music festival and I absolutely loved it.
That's awesome. Did you call him Gogol all night or did he tell you his name (Eugene Hutz)?
After I realized it was him and thanked him for the show, I said Gogol like one time and he put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me and said, "Friend, my real name is Eugene Hütz, call me Eugene." I told him I just wasn't sure if he'd be comfortable with me doing that and he replied, "Forrest, right? You paid money to see me and have a great time and you got a black eye yet still keep going and then you offered my girl and me to sit with you without knowing it was me, you are a good man, Forrest, you are my friend. Please, call me Eugene" (it was really surreal)
That's awesome. Did you call him Gogol all night or did he tell you his name (Eugene Hutz)?
After I realized it was him and thanked him for the show, I said Gogol like one time and he put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me and said, "Friend, my real name is Eugene Hütz, call me Eugene." I told him I just wasn't sure if he'd be comfortable with me doing that and he replied, "Forrest, right? You paid money to see me and have a great time and you got a black eye yet still keep going and then you offered my girl and me to sit with you without knowing it was me, you are a good man, Forrest, you are my friend. Please, call me Eugene" (it was really surreal)
Insanely jealous, that just took it to another level
I'm covered in bruises and sore all over, but it was worth it to be on the rail for Gogol Bordello on Saturday. That was the most fun I've had at a show. I left the venue drenched in sweat, vodka, and wine.
That's awesome. Did you call him Gogol all night or did he tell you his name (Eugene Hutz)?
After I realized it was him and thanked him for the show, I said Gogol like one time and he put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me and said, "Friend, my real name is Eugene Hütz, call me Eugene." I told him I just wasn't sure if he'd be comfortable with me doing that and he replied, "Forrest, right? You paid money to see me and have a great time and you got a black eye yet still keep going and then you offered my girl and me to sit with you without knowing it was me, you are a good man, Forrest, you are my friend. Please, call me Eugene" (it was really surreal)
you should have shown him your leg and been like, "you think that black eye I got in the mosh was bad......"
Fair enough. The world needs more people like you who are willing to be honest about the situation. My statement was directed towards those who truly just don't like children. These are the people that I don't understand...
I can't wait to have kids.
I can't imagine my life like 25 years down the line without a family, but I'm the youngest by over 8 years with 3 over-protective brothers.... so I think it'll take a while for my maternal instincts to kick in....
Yeah, this actually makes a lot of sense. I'm an only child, so that probably has a pretty big impact on these things.
I've been so busy lately, I miss my internet pals! I didn't even get to take part in selfie Friday .
Fair enough. The world needs more people like you who are willing to be honest about the situation. My statement was directed towards those who truly just don't like children. These are the people that I don't understand...
I can't wait to have kids.
I can't imagine my life like 25 years down the line without a family, but I'm the youngest by over 8 years with 3 over-protective brothers.... so I think it'll take a while for my maternal instincts to kick in....
I'm also the youngest sibling, but with three older sisters (36, 43, and 45). The two oldest are married and have kids, so I'm not feeling any pressure to start a family and provide my parents with grandkids.
@gambit88 I am with everyone else on here saying no way. There are too many red flags, and I hope it isn't the case, but break-ups can sometimes lead to relapse or maybe that is why they broke up. Her story is way too fishy, there are too many red flags, and after so many years of not talking, you don't really know who she is anymore. I also agree that if you are going to be guilt-ridden, maybe try talking directly to the dad, since he is the one that she says needs the money back.
For the record, the fact that you want to help her out, and that you feel guilty about just thinking about NOT giving her money, is a testament of what a great guy you are.
This weekend my chorus had a coaching session in preparation for competition. We've been trying to add more emotion into our delivery. One of our songs is Swanee and is all about wanting to go back to a place that's so special and that you love. I've often thought of my grandparent's cabin because I absolutely love the place. It never quite pushed me to the edge of emotion I needed it to, though. So this weekend, I thought of a different place. Bonnaroo. I flippin nailed it. Guess Bonnaroo really is my happy place
I'm covered in bruises and sore all over, but it was worth it to be on the rail for Gogol Bordello on Saturday. That was the most fun I've had at a show. I left the venue drenched in sweat, vodka, and wine.
Wait, what were you wearing and what part of the rail were standing on, like which side of the stage because I'm sure I saw if you were on the rail in front of the josh pit because I was too part of the time. I had a blue and grey Nike hat on and 3/4 sleeve shirt that was grey, khaki, and blue and I was wearing khakis, sound familiar? Oh and I had a black purse looking thing on that I wore like one of those cross body things.
After I realized it was him and thanked him for the show, I said Gogol like one time and he put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me and said, "Friend, my real name is Eugene Hütz, call me Eugene." I told him I just wasn't sure if he'd be comfortable with me doing that and he replied, "Forrest, right? You paid money to see me and have a great time and you got a black eye yet still keep going and then you offered my girl and me to sit with you without knowing it was me, you are a good man, Forrest, you are my friend. Please, call me Eugene" (it was really surreal)
you should have shown him your leg and been like, "you think that black eye I got in the mosh was bad......"
He asked about it because I have to wear this purse looking thing that holds a vacuum that is used for the wound dressing on my right leg and so he asked what the bag was because it has a tube running to it from my leg I just told him it was a long, kinda sad story and that the basics were that i had gotten in a crash and got bad burns and my leg was still healing and the bag was used for the wound. He was quite impressed that I was in the pit still
I'm covered in bruises and sore all over, but it was worth it to be on the rail for Gogol Bordello on Saturday. That was the most fun I've had at a show. I left the venue drenched in sweat, vodka, and wine.
Wait, what were you wearing and what part of the rail were standing on, like which side of the stage because I'm sure I saw if you were on the rail in front of the josh pit because I was too part of the time. I had a blue and grey Nike hat on and 3/4 sleeve shirt that was grey, khaki, and blue and I was wearing khakis, sound familiar? Oh and I had a black purse looking thing on that I wore like one of those cross body things.
No way!
I had on a black button up shirt, orange pants, grey boots, a black beanie, and black glasses on. I was with a blonde girl that had her hair in a ponytail with the sides and back shaved.
We were dead center right in front of Eugene.
Last Edit: Mar 9, 2015 12:10:39 GMT -5 by ゴジラ - Back to Top
Wait, what were you wearing and what part of the rail were standing on, like which side of the stage because I'm sure I saw if you were on the rail in front of the josh pit because I was too part of the time. I had a blue and grey Nike hat on and 3/4 sleeve shirt that was grey, khaki, and blue and I was wearing khakis, sound familiar? Oh and I had a black purse looking thing on that I wore like one of those cross body things.
No way!
I had on a black button up shirt, orange pants, grey boots, a black beanie, and black glasses on. I was with a blonde girl that had her hair in a ponytail with the sides and back shaved.
We were dead center right in front of Eugene.
I read this too quickly and thought you were with a girl with her back shaved.
Last Edit: Mar 9, 2015 12:13:55 GMT -5 by Jaz - Back to Top
5.5/four tet, daphni b2b floating points, avalon emerson 5.12/neil young 5.19/mannequin pussy 5.21/serpentwithfeet 5.25/hozier 6.12-16/bonnaroo 6.28/goose 6.29/goose 9.17/the national + the war on drugs 9.23/sigur ros 9.27-29/making time 10.17/air
I had on a black button up shirt, orange pants, grey boots, a black beanie, and black glasses on. I was with a blonde girl that had her hair in a ponytail with the sides and back shaved.
We were dead center right in front of Eugene.
I read this too quickly and thought you were with a girl with her back shaved.
Wait, what were you wearing and what part of the rail were standing on, like which side of the stage because I'm sure I saw if you were on the rail in front of the josh pit because I was too part of the time. I had a blue and grey Nike hat on and 3/4 sleeve shirt that was grey, khaki, and blue and I was wearing khakis, sound familiar? Oh and I had a black purse looking thing on that I wore like one of those cross body things.
No way!
I had on a black button up shirt, orange pants, grey boots, a black beanie, and black glasses on. I was with a blonde girl that had her hair in a ponytail with the sides and back shaved.
We were dead center right in front of Eugene.
Did you go in the mosh pit or did you hold your spot on the rail?
I had on a black button up shirt, orange pants, grey boots, a black beanie, and black glasses on. I was with a blonde girl that had her hair in a ponytail with the sides and back shaved.
We were dead center right in front of Eugene.
Did you go in the mosh pit or did you hold your spot on the rail?
We held onto our rail spots. It was our first time seeing Gogol, so we wanted to take it all in and ended up getting a vodka shower.
Todays certainly not a good day to be an SAE member. Probably will be scratching off the car decal before heading out.
It's funny how quickly times have changed. When I was at UT in the late 90s. One of the frats on campus still had a Confederate flag displayed at their house where you could see it from the street, and nobody ever seemed to say anything about it. I always thought that was weird.
Did you go in the mosh pit or did you hold your spot on the rail?
We held onto our rail spots. It was our first time seeing Gogol, so we wanted to take it all in and ended up getting a vodka shower.
Hahaha, oh man, you missed out on an awesome time by not going in the pit but I'm sure being on the rail for your first show was worth it. I think I actually remember seeing you because of your beanie. But you we're kinda toward the front-right side of the pit and we were front-left of it. I felt bad for some of the folks on the rail a couple times but hey, you know, that's what you get at a Gogol show. You've seen him once and it was at a festival, NOW you gotta see him at an actual Gogol show in a club... Ohhhh man, it's another level of craziness. I was actually surprised that the Gasparilla show got as crazy as it did. Did you notice that there were like a thousand fucking babies at the fest?!?!