East Asian Studies. Oprah now was well versed in Japanese customs and culture. She also possessed a rudimentary understanding of the language, but really was far from fluent. The boy watched this exchange between Ron and Oprah in horror. He realized he needed to do something to stop this madness.
5/28 - Purity Ring
6/2 - St. Vincent
6/6 - Cake
6/10 - Temples
6/13 - The Toadies
6/15 - Gogol Bordello
6/18 - The War On Drugs
6/26 - Surfer Blood
7/20 - Primus/Dinosaur Jr.
8/9 - Deftones/Death From Above 1979
9/29 - Alt-J
panic. She tried to escape, but it was futile, as she had forgotten that slugs are not the speediest of creatures. She looked up and saw a figure standing in the doorway and trying to block her exit. As the figure moved out of the shadows, Oprah saw that it was...
Just then, startled by the general freakiness of the dream he'd been having, the little boy woke up from his nap to find his babysitter watching Oprah on TV. It was the only working channel on their old Magnavox television set. "Oh this blows," he thought to himself. "The only thing worse than having to watch THIS crap is..."
the milk was green, the grape jelly was yellow, and there was a miniature rainbow-colored unicorn sitting on the kitchen counter, resting against the jar of peanut butter. The boy did a double-take, rubbed his eyes, and said to the unicorn:
Post by superfurryanimal on Mar 18, 2011 1:38:03 GMT -5
"Why do you have a lazy eye? Do you have a clean flight record?"
Bartholomew the Unicorn slurredly answered, " Sure, kid. Let's go."
".... But where are we going????? Can I take my lucky charm? It's a stuffed Bush Baby. My estranged grandma shipped it to me from Haiti. She's really into voodoo and not making stereotypical statements about other cultures."
Last Edit: Mar 19, 2011 15:50:19 GMT -5 by superfurryanimal - Back to Top
The unicorn turned his eyes towards toward the boy and, looking directly into his soul, said "Where we are going you won't need a lucky charm." Then the unicorn activated the warp drive sequence and in the blink of a unicorn's eye they vanished into the starry sky.
The boy awoke to find himself and the unicorn standing in a sea of sunflowers, in every direction,as far as the eye could see, sunflowers covered the landscape. Gracefully the sunflowers swayed as the wind blew and the sun shined bright, but it was not hot. The boy looked to the unicorn and said...
"What does it all mean? You're magical, so can you tell me? It's just that right now, being a kid and all, it's really cool. I'm afraid to grow up because most grown-ups don't believe in you. They don't know how to have fun. Can't we just stay here forever?"
At this, the unicorn nuzzled his furry face into the boy's cheek and rested his multi-colored head on the lad's shoulder. He said, "The magic comes from..."
Post by dobber3000 on Mar 18, 2011 22:25:10 GMT -5
a few different places, you'll figure it out some day. Let me show you this great time-share in Boca. You know my unicorn farm was a complete failure. I'd have given you a job there, but I'd have a better chance fitting Oprah into a size 8 than working that mess out. Hop on! You'll love this place...
so he hopped on, and as they began to take flight the unicorn said "ah, screw Boca. We can go there anytime. Actually, it's almost the spring equinox, it's a full moon and the planets are aligned just right to go to Candy Land. "Like the game?" the boy asked excitedly....
Post by superfurryanimal on Mar 19, 2011 2:42:46 GMT -5
"Not really," said Bartholomew The Unicorn, my associates refer to Colombia as "candy land." We'll fly into Barranquilla first. My mermaid lover and I always meet there this time of year. Then we'll head further south into the real Candy Land. BHAHAHAHAHA!!! Fvck, I love cocaine."
The boy was confused and thought hard about how he could escape this situation. He pined for his stuffed Bush baby. What luck would he find without his lucky charm? An anecdote told to him by his voodoo practicing grandmother came to his mind....
Last Edit: Mar 19, 2011 2:55:26 GMT -5 by superfurryanimal - Back to Top
...the one that had been passed down from her maternal ancestor, Marie Laveau, voodoo queen of New Orleans. He knew if he could just pluck some of the colored strands of hair from Bartholomew's tail, he could magically escape. But this would be nearly impossible, since Bartholomew was...
Let's visit Ron Jeremy, I'm sure we can make a wig from his backhair for you. The unicorn agreed, but as soon as they show up the unicorn stabbed him with its horn and proceeded to take his wallet."This should be enough to pay my coke dealer" said the unicorn. Amidst all this, the boy...
...now bleeding from where the horn had penetrated his abdomen, cried out in pain and pleaded with the unicorn to help him get to a hospital. The unicorn laughed at the boy and trotted away in his coke-induced frenzy. The boy, now cold and alone, lay on the ground thinking about all of the crazy stuff that had happened to him that day. Just when he thought all hope was lost out of the clouds he saw a giant twonicorn (a unicorn with two horns) emerge!
"Surely this beautiful 2 horned creature wouldn't seek to do any thing to harm me" he thought to himself. He was wrong. This twonicorn was the physical embodiment of the anti-christ. Oddly enough, the anti-christ was pretty generous to the majority of humans. It was nature that he despised. It just so happen that this boy was unknowingly the physical embodiment of white jesus. Everyone hates white jesus now-a-days. The anti-christ twonicorn danced in front of the boy. The boy yelled out in pain for help, but the twonicorn just danced. This dance is often referred to as "the shake down" and it is what one does just before they commence to apocalyptic sodomy. The boy just watched as his life was fading.
Post by billypilgrim on Apr 17, 2011 22:44:29 GMT -5
At that point, Julia knew that she could no longer control her desire. As his strong hands unbuttoned her leather bustier, she leaned in for his deep, passionate kisses. The beating of her heart, the wetness between her legs, the aching in her loins transformed her into a mass of desire. She wanted to cry out "fvck me" but before she could do so, she felt him enter her. She knew immediately that she had never been so fulfilled, nor filled so fully . . .
confused. If a twonicorn is twice as good as a unicorn where can I find a trinicorn? Is this just leading to an unattainable goal like a googlecorn or an infinicorn? Where does it all end? How will I know....