Whether it's your first Bonnaroo or you’re a music festival veteran, we welcome you to Inforoo.
Here you'll find info about artists, rumors, camping tips, and the infamous Roo Clues. Have a look around then create an account and join in the fun. See you at Bonnaroo!!
Post by kingofcheezwiz on Feb 8, 2008 1:29:48 GMT -5
I stand, and take in the end of the night On this mountain made of coble stone Atop a temporary world that gives only temporary light
The Sun, oh The Sun! May you shine forever through me The stars how they glisten to make the heavens all alight I stand, and take in the end of the night
Halt! Who goes there to ruin my picturesque scape? Stand aside me and take in what you may Atop this temporary world, that gives only temporary light
The moon and the stars kiss the sky goodbye When the sun emerges as the holder of all our light And here I stand, and take in the end of the night
The times have shifted in favor of our sun As my friend and I watched her glorious siege Perched atop this temporary world that gives only temporary light
And so another days battle has drawn to a close And we must stand down from our mountainous pose I stand, and take in the end of the night Atop a temporary world that gives only temporary light ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post by kingofcheezwiz on Mar 6, 2008 4:53:25 GMT -5
By the way, I'm very open to criticism. I do find the lack of replies a little unnerving, as I really enjoy any form of feedback so I can work on honing my abilities.
It is good, I like it. Now for the criticism YOU ASKED FOR.....from someone who can not write a prose to save her life. Too much temporary life. You use the word temporary 8 times. And as a Druid, I can assure you, the sun is eternal ;D
Post by kingofcheezwiz on Mar 6, 2008 14:33:48 GMT -5
cacobb said:
It is good, I like it. Now for the criticism YOU ASKED FOR.....from someone who can not write a prose to save her life. Too much temporary life. You use the word temporary 8 times. And as a Druid, I can assure you, the sun is eternal ;D
Thank you for the kind words. As far as the temporary thing goes, a villanelle is a form of poetry that has only two rhyme sounds. The first and third lines of the first stanza are rhyming refrains that alternate as the third line in each successive stanza and form a couplet at the close. So the repetition of temporary (while it seems very redundant) is part of the style of this particular form of poetry. I do, however, use too many of the same words in my other works, and I am very conscious of the fact that it's something I need to work on. Maybe I should buy myself a thesaurus. Karma for the kind words and good criticism!